[Food Review] Cinnabon Breakfast Cereal

Cinnamon Rolls and cereal seem to come at polar opposite ends of the breakfast spectrum. When one finds time to eat cinnamon rolls, a good day is more than likely on the horizon, while a bowl of cereal generally indicates you’ll once again be subjected to texting your mom to let her know you got to work safely, even though you’re 26 and only commute 15 minutes.

Well, perhaps in an attempt to create some middle ground, the people at Cinnabon have molded the two sides together with a new, multi-grain cereal creation, and in a way they succeeded. If cinnamon rolls are ecstasy and cereal is agony, than middle ground would have to be apathy, which is exactly what I felt after two bowls of this stuff.

One area of success for the Cinnabon cereal is that when you open the box, you are greeted with a fairly accurate Cinnabon smell which is, of course, rather nice. It doesn’t have to sharp, hobo-lifting aroma (look it up, dammit. I’m tired of having to explain all my references) one gets when taking a hot tray from the oven but it’s pretty close for a cold cereal.

But I’m afraid from that point on, the experience becomes a bit lackluster. On early bites it has sort of a stronger and less enjoyable Cinnamon Toast Crunch taste that disappears rather quickly. Once given the opportunity to soak, you aren’t left with much of anything in the taste department.

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[Food Review] Kellogg’s Keebler Cookie Crunch Cereal

keeblercookiecrunchOverview:

Elves are like midgets. Happy, giddy little midgets that prance around in pointy clogs giving away the most awesome of things. Presents, cookies, kicks in the shin, nothing is better than a miniature person that gives you free things. And they obviously make great slaves, too, as the fully-grown people over at Kellogg’s marched their long legs over to the Keebler HQ and used their intimidating height to bully the dwarfed little elves into making a cookie-themed cereal to be marketed to obese American children all across the country.

And I’m sure the fat little bastards are eating this crap up.

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[Food Review] Kellogg’s Cinnabon Bars

kelloggscinnabonbarsOverview:

Everyone loves cinnamon rolls, but as is often discussed, most do not have the proper preparation time necessary to make them on a regular enough basis to satisfy their cravings.

Well, whether you are pressed for time, or just lazy (yo), the people at Kellogg’s and Cinnabon have combined forces to give slack asses a bastardized version of their beloved product. Luckily enough, while it’s not the same as a fresh cinnamon roll, Kellogg’s Cinnabon Bars are a pleasant enough alternative for people seeking a quick culinary fix. Continue reading