Sigh… Love. What a beautiful thing. There is nothing more splendid that finding that one perfect match for you. The one person that matches you to the deepest degree. The person with which you can make sensual, sweet love for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.
Sadly, not everyone is equally able to find that elusive love. I am one of those people. No matter where I go, what I say or how I dress, women quite simply aren’t interested in anything I have to offer. Perhaps it is because I’m prematurely balding? Well, I’m also fat… that probably has something to do with it. I’m also blessed with a face that resembles a burn victim, though my scars were caused by years of teenage acne as opposed to the raging flames of a house fire. I know I’m not the only one. No, there are dozens of us! People who can’t seem to find love are all around you, sulking in the shadows of your happiness, holding a gun to our heads and masturbating with Kroger-brand unscented lotion.
However, many of us have our ways of finding women even if they aren’t interested in us. The only one I’ve ever participated in is drastically lowering my standards, accepting anything with a vagina and a heartbeat. Well… a vagina at least. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? The dead ones are much better than the morbidly obese, bearded man-ladies I often take home.
The other two options are ones I’m not so fond of, but I’ve heard they work. The first is slipping a rufilin into a girl’s drink, taking her home and having your way with her. The other is very similar to the roofie trick, only much cheaper. Simply grab a brick or large rock off the ground, and instead of slipping it into her drink, bash your selected lover over the skull with it. Same effect of date rape drugs without the expense and risk of haggling with a shady drug dealer.
Read the rest of this review!
Co-founding member of Blink 182, Tom Delonge, has just released his third album with the band Angels & Airwaves. The new album titled “LOVE” is available on Modlife.com for free.
Fans of the first 2 albums absolutely have to check it out. And even if you’ve never heard of them, free stuff is free stuff.
Download from Modlife here
I know writing personal articles about people is usually prohibited on the site, but I thought it would be okay to make an exception for who is quite possibly one of the greatest men to walk this planet. And since I run this site, who’s going to tell me I can’t?
I just received word from regular reader Brandon Majors that Mr. George Corey is retiring from his position as the Electronics Teacher at Terre Haute North Vigo High School. This news is both happy and sad at the same time. Happy because he deserves his retirement more than any other old fart out there, yet sad because generations of knowledge hungry brats will never have the chance to know him.
The results are officially off the wire, and they have declared me, Clay Cunningham, and, most importantly, “First Kid” the winner of the first ever “Master Debate.”
These last few days have been rough on me, with the constant campaigning creating many sleepless nights. What’s worse is that on the rare occasions when sleep did occur, I would quickly be awoken from my slumber, drenched in frigid sweat, as all I could dream of was living in a nightmarish world where people were more inclined to vote for “Blank Check.” Luckily for all of us, that world will never come to be. Continue reading
I love you guys for reading! And Kim Boland for loving me!
… in 4 months (I know the archives has five months listed, but September doesn’t count since it was only the very end of the month). How exciting is that?
I want to take this opportunity to thank absolutely everyone who has made this a possibility for us here at Everyview. You see, when I first started this site I was expecting to get maybe 400 hits a month, which would be a hundred a week. I’m glad to say that once we got our posting regular and started to earn a reader base things really took off. We have rather high visibility on search engines and have been featured on a couple of other sites and our reviews have been used as references in forums as far away as Russia. Russia! That’s awesome!
Anyway, as excited as I am I’m equally tired and I have to be at work at 7 A.M. So a real quick thanks to our writers, our readers, our supporters, anyone who has ever read anything on this site, anyone who has ever featured one of our articles on their site, anyone who has done a link exchange with us (check out the blog roll at the right of the page), anyone who has ever provided us with kind words of inspiration, any band that has ever asked for Everyview coverage, any company that has ever sent us a product to review, and Zack Deal for giving me the idea to start this website. Thanks guys, goodnight and keep reading Everyview!
Well I finally updated my ugly, outdated BlackBerry 7100 series to the BlackBerry Curve and I couldn’t be more happy with it. The phone was $99.99 with a $100 dollar rebate, which isn’t too expensive for a smartphone, but I only had 83 bucks. After asking all of my friends for $125 I ended up swallowing my pride and asked my parents for some cash. They reluctantly forked over a check for the phone, took all my money, and made me agree to pay them $50 for the next two weeks. So I’m totally broke, but I don’t mind. I love this phone.
You can look forward to an in-depth review of the BlackBerry Curve in the coming weeks. I want to make sure I can experience every aspect of the phone before I tell you guys what I think of it. But I’ll tell you this right now. I love it.