[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)

Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.

  1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
  2. Share the corpse with my dog
  3. Kill my dog
  4. Eat my dead dog
  5. Get raped
  6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
  7. Get raped by my own mother
  8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
  9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
  10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole Continue reading

[Candy Review] Black Jack Chewing Gum


Chewing gum is great for many things. It’s perfect for stepping in, it can be used as a decoration for the overly plain bottoms of desks and tables, it can provide the motivation for a much-needed haircut, and it does a great job of hiding an alcoholic’s liquor breath.

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[Energy Drink Review] Black Jack Gunpowder Green Energy Tea

blackjackgunpowdergreenStraight from the Can:

Captain’s Log: 17 July, 1677

What a grand day this 17 of July be. With faithful Grog as lookout, me crew boarded the Grand Madame in the dead of night and by morn more than the night lay dead. The treasure, rare teas from the seven seas with tastes more satisfyin than my last port call. Our plunder, we be warned, does strange things… desires, urges, energy of gunpowder. On taste moves men in ways known only in the depths of the blue. For the Grand Madame and her crew… Twas their last taste…

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