It looks like wood, but is actually made of metal.
Score: 3/10 (Deceiving, yet functional as a chair)
Sigh… Love. What a beautiful thing. There is nothing more splendid that finding that one perfect match for you. The one person that matches you to the deepest degree. The person with which you can make sensual, sweet love for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.
Sadly, not everyone is equally able to find that elusive love. I am one of those people. No matter where I go, what I say or how I dress, women quite simply aren’t interested in anything I have to offer. Perhaps it is because I’m prematurely balding? Well, I’m also fat… that probably has something to do with it. I’m also blessed with a face that resembles a burn victim, though my scars were caused by years of teenage acne as opposed to the raging flames of a house fire. I know I’m not the only one. No, there are dozens of us! People who can’t seem to find love are all around you, sulking in the shadows of your happiness, holding a gun to our heads and masturbating with Kroger-brand unscented lotion.
However, many of us have our ways of finding women even if they aren’t interested in us. The only one I’ve ever participated in is drastically lowering my standards, accepting anything with a vagina and a heartbeat. Well… a vagina at least. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? The dead ones are much better than the morbidly obese, bearded man-ladies I often take home.
The other two options are ones I’m not so fond of, but I’ve heard they work. The first is slipping a rufilin into a girl’s drink, taking her home and having your way with her. The other is very similar to the roofie trick, only much cheaper. Simply grab a brick or large rock off the ground, and instead of slipping it into her drink, bash your selected lover over the skull with it. Same effect of date rape drugs without the expense and risk of haggling with a shady drug dealer.
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Yes. Prepared Squid Jerky. Shredded, dried, put into a package, and sold at the Asian Market.
What’s that? You think that sounds gross? If you think itsounds gross, you should smell it.
Wel-Pac Prepared Squid Jerky smells like spicy, old fish. Or a sweaty, unwashed, well-sexed prostitute snatch. And by snatch I mean vagina. And by vagina I mean ham wallet. And by ham wallet I mean vagina.
What’s that? You think that sounds like it smells gross? Then you should taste it.
Wel-Pac Prepared Squid Jerky has the stringy, stale texture of a dead girl’s hair. It is chewy like a water balloon. It is dry until you grind it between your teeth, at which point it seems to explode with fishy juices. Of course that’s just your saliva mixing with the powerful flavor of dried, prepared squid. Certain pieces pop in your mouth. I don’t know why… I don’t want to know why. The “hot” flavor is a mix of sweet, musk, salt and spice, which creates a really awkward, some say sickening blend of flavors on your palate.
Cue Rocket Man music
Out there… flying through the air. Red Bull gives you wings? This stuff known as Rocket Chocolate is supposed to make you fly through the air faster than a speeding bullet. But is it all that it claims? It says that it has twice the caffeine. But it doesn’t say what product it has twice as much caffeine as. Another part of the package says ‘Boosts like a cup of coffee’. Of course the package doesn’t list anything at all.
I couldn’t find anything on their site, so there’s really no telling at all what is in it. Bad score there. Bad form, too. The little package does, however, have a little drawing of a rocket ship. Each wrapper is differently colored according to flavor. The ingredients list on this one (Chocolate Mint flavor) states milk chocolate, lecithin, vanillin, coconut oil, caffeine, natural peppermint oil, glycerine. It also has a warning that it may contain traces of peanut butter. Good thing I’m not allergic to that.
Read the rest of Kat’s review
How long has Burger King had breakfast?
As long as I can consciously remember. I’m sure if I dug deep enough into my suppressed memory I would be able to find a time that the King didn’t offer as much saturated fat as Roseanne Barr’s left thigh in the morning hours, but doing so is dangerous. Who knows what else I might find while digging through the purposefully forgotten banks of my memories? Forgotten stories of Uncle Chuck’s “games”? Concealed memories of my infant brother Todd, whom in a fit of jealous range I suffocated and ate, only to have my parents convince me it was just a dream so I could grow up and continue to function?
Nah, none of that stuff ever happened to me. But I feel bad for the sorry sonofabitch who just remembered losing his virginity to the football team when he was only seven years old.
Wait what was my point? Oh yeah! Have you seen those awful new commercials of BK promoting their “New” breakfast menu? If not, good for you. I don’t understand it. BK has had breakfast for a really long time, why are they promoting it like it’s something wholly new just because they added like five new items and switched their coffee brand?
Cinnamon Rolls and cereal seem to come at polar opposite ends of the breakfast spectrum. When one finds time to eat cinnamon rolls, a good day is more than likely on the horizon, while a bowl of cereal generally indicates you’ll once again be subjected to texting your mom to let her know you got to work safely, even though you’re 26 and only commute 15 minutes.
Well, perhaps in an attempt to create some middle ground, the people at Cinnabon have molded the two sides together with a new, multi-grain cereal creation, and in a way they succeeded. If cinnamon rolls are ecstasy and cereal is agony, than middle ground would have to be apathy, which is exactly what I felt after two bowls of this stuff.
One area of success for the Cinnabon cereal is that when you open the box, you are greeted with a fairly accurate Cinnabon smell which is, of course, rather nice. It doesn’t have to sharp, hobo-lifting aroma (look it up, dammit. I’m tired of having to explain all my references) one gets when taking a hot tray from the oven but it’s pretty close for a cold cereal.
But I’m afraid from that point on, the experience becomes a bit lackluster. On early bites it has sort of a stronger and less enjoyable Cinnamon Toast Crunch taste that disappears rather quickly. Once given the opportunity to soak, you aren’t left with much of anything in the taste department.
I am sad to say I have been poisoned. Yes, poisoned. By Barium.
Oh wait… Are you telling me it was just a candy? Well then! Nevermind. I’ll be perfectly fine. Barium Energy Powderis one of the newer flavors ofpowders made by Harcos Labs. I have had a lot of horrible-tasting powders just like my fellow reviewer has had horrible mints.
I was a bit sketchy about trying the powder from Harcos Labs because of these previous experiences. So, I just ordered one tube and I am wishing I had ordered more. Find out why in a second…
Read the rest of Kat’s review!
I’m back with another review to dish out.
My mother’s birthday was this week so as tradition in our family we dine out that night. My family is quite a picky bunch of eaters, my sister and dad are happy with simpler food or a steak but no seafood, my grandmother has to have seafood that is soft enough for her to eat, and my mother can be a tad selective as well. This time we decided to try out a new restaurant in Weymouth, Massachusetts.
Stockholders is a seafood and chophouse that has a price range between $13 – $25 per entrée. The exterior of the restaurant is the first thing you’ll notice if you park in the back lot. The overwhelmingly delicious smell of burning oak wood pours into the street. The interior was nice. It included two giant crystal fish tanks, Wall Sreet themed wall decoration and neutral colors on the floors and walls.
Read the rest of David’s review!
The first problem I had with my Cherry Berry (I also spotted Apple in the frozen section of my local grocery store) was that it was leaky and made a puddly mess in my microwave. Seeing as how the product was made by Banquet, the margin of error was ultra-thin and being forced to take six seconds out of my five hour work day to wipe up a small mess made my mood less than jovial.
Also, I’d be lying if I said the ultra-thin crust made my mouth water. The box would lead you to believe the structure was thick and durable, when in reality it’s so meager it’s virtually transparent. It’s hard not to be apprehensive about eating something that looks like cheap drywall you’d find scattered about the floor of a Habitat for Humanity project house (I once spent three days on a volunteer work crew with my church’s youth group. Am I a hero? Probably, but that’s not what this review is about).
So with all these obstacles in the way, does it taste as awful as you’d expect? No, not really, which is really just to say it didn’t initiate the gag reflex I was expecting as I pensively stared over it several minutes after microwaving.
Read the full review on our sister site, Does it Hit the Spot?
As for the taste, it’s basically what you’d expect it to be, which is to say the more you enjoy Oreo’s, the more likely you are to enjoy this product. Aside from the creme being runnier and less compacted that what you get with the cookies, the taste is virtually the same.
One problem I did have was that I didn’t find the product to be very texturally sound. Having gone through two of the six packages, I had one of the cookies break off on two separate occasions. I don’t know if this complaint really holds much ground as obviously it’s better for them to be too soft than too hard, but when it’s broken into sections, it makes the creme more difficult to proportionately spread and I am certainly anal retentive enough to find this bothersome.
Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!