Everyone loves cinnamon rolls, but as is often discussed, most do not have the proper preparation time necessary to make them on a regular enough basis to satisfy their cravings.
Well, whether you are pressed for time, or just lazy (yo), the people at Kellogg’s and Cinnabon have combined forces to give slack asses a bastardized version of their beloved product. Luckily enough, while it’s not the same as a fresh cinnamon roll, Kellogg’s Cinnabon Bars are a pleasant enough alternative for people seeking a quick culinary fix.
The packaging and design of Cinnabon Bars is strikingly similar to that of another Kellogg’s product, the Nutri-Grain Bar. This proves to be a pretty good design for this product, which tears easily into several bite sized pieces. Aside from creating minor cleanups due to crumbling bits of icing, this method proves favorable.
A big advantage the bar has over eating a normal Cinnabon is that when you’re finished, it doesn’t weigh you down to the point where you are afraid you are going to die. To quote Jim Gaffigan, normal Cinnabon’s are “the size of a bean bag chair.” To make matters worse, they are usually only available in malls and other public places, and if you actually have the fortitude to finish them, you are forced to walk very cautiously for the remainder of the day out of fear that the bottom half of your body will detach.
This isn’t a problem when condensed to bar form. The bar is small and compact, and I have never felt bogged down after eating one, though to be fair, I’ve never eaten more than one at a time. But even if you do stuff yourself to the point of exhaustion, you can do so from the comfort of your own home, and no one but you will be aware of your embarrassing gluttonous ways (fatass).
However, we are dealing with a lazy man’s version of cinnamon rolls here, and there are bound to be various upsides missing for those of us unwilling to put in the work to actually make a batch for ourselves.
For one, the enticing smell isn’t there. Sure, the bar smells fine, good even. When pressed right up against your nostrils. But opening the plastic wrapper doesn’t unleash that fresh-from-the-oven come hither scent that you would leap out of bed and knock various friends and relatives over for.
Also, while the box encourages you the bar “tastes great warm,” I have to say I actually preferred it unheated. The warmed-up taste actually kind of seemed like a shortcoming because it reminded you that you actually aren’t eating a real cinnamon roll. And besides, this is a product for the lazy anyway, so I will be dammed if I am gonna stand and wait by a microwave for 15 seconds.
In terms of value, the store I bought them at charged $2.89 for a box of six. Not a rip-off, but also not a bargain that would make these anything more than an occasional indulgence.
As I mentioned above, this really is a bastardized version of sort of an every-other-Saturday kind of delicacy. But as bastardized versions go, this is a pretty good one. Sure there are certain areas where these bars fall short to cinnamon rolls, but if you expect a bar in a plastic bag to pack that kind of punch, you are just greedy.
It can be very hard to find the time to make a delicious breakfast everyday (God knows the pressures of getting to work by 1 p.m. are torturous on me), so unless you have someone to make it for you, these are an admirable, if not great substitute. I know the only way I would be able to top it is if I moved back in with my parents, and I don’t intend on doing that for at least a few years.
Our friends over at The Impulsive Buy also reviewed these along with the Caramel flavor.
- Not deathly filling
- You get what you pay for
- A fitting substitute for people who don’t want to cook
- Not the same as cinnamon rolls
- Lacks the punch of real roll scent
- Warmed-up version isn’t overly satisfying
Final Score: 7.8/10