Category Archives: Energy Drinks

Lemon Ice Slap Review on Caffeine Critic!

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After an astonishingly impressive experience with Slap: Crisp Apple, which I scored a 9.0/10, I had very high expectations for Lemon Ice. A refreshing lemonade flavor white tea energy drink sounded absolutely perfect. You see, when I drank Lemon Ice, I had just finished up a full shift working as a bagger at my local Kroger grocery store, more specifically I had just completed an hour long cart shift in near 90 degree heat with high humidity and no breeze. Needless to say I was exhausted and thirsty.

When I finally stumbled into my house, I went straight for my mini fridge with only one thing on my mind; Slap Lemon Ice. It was something I had anticipated all day long, and I expected great things.

Sometimes, however, when your expectations are set too high it is easy to be let down.

Read the rest of the review on Caffeine Critic!

Zombie Blood Review on Caffeine Critic!

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A while back I reviewed a product from Harcos Labs called Blood Energy Potion. Now, Blood’s title is more than just its name, as it is also the entire theme surrounding every single aspect of the unique energy drink. For instance, it was engineered to contain very similar nutrients, texture and color to real human blood and came packaged in an awesome I.V. bag to complete the illusion. Definitely a super cool concept and equally awesome execution, but there was only one problem. It was directed towards vampire fans. I hate vampires.

Zombies, on the other hand, are what my entire life revolves around. I have the word ‘Zombie’ tattooed on my lip, and am working on a Resident Evil half sleeve on my right bicep. I worship all things George A. Romero, the Don of the Dead. Zombie movies, zombie games, zombie books, zombie zombies, zombie comics and anything else related to the undead fascinates me.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic.

Crisp Apple Slap Review on Caffeine Critic

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I am very picky when it comes to my energy drinks, and I like to consider myself to be fairly critical when reviewing them. So when I award a drink an overall score of 9.0/10 and hand it a perfect 10 for a subcriterion, you know something is up. Slap Crisp Apple is an awesome drink that you shouldn’t be missing out on, so head on over to the Everyview Network’s Caffeine Critic for the full review on what has become one of my favorite energy drinks of all time.

Read the review

Syzmo: Prickly Pear Review on Caffeine Critic

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Organic energy drink can

… But before I get to the actual review, let me tell you more about this sore throat. My airway is practically swollen shut, though it is getting much better. Riddled along my tonsils are little puss-filled wart-like blemishes, plump and white, that occasionally pop and release a rancid odor. Everything seems to be getting a bit better, but now I’ve got this uncontrollable cough that projects a dark green slime from within my body into my mouth so I am forced to taste it. It tastes like guacamole. I don’t like guacamole. …

You can’t not read the rest of it. Check out my full review on Caffeine Critic!

Bad Girl Turbo Energy Shot, Reviewed on Caffeine Critic!

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I hesitated before slamming this stuff back. I mean, if I swallow this “Bad Girl,” I’m swallowing every one she’s ever been with. What if she has something? To help myself feel a little bit better about this, I ran to the Circle K gas station and bought a banana flavored condom out of the bathroom dispenser, ran back home and slipped it on. I’m not sure if it’s on properly, but it smells really good. I wonder what it tastes like…

Wanna know what happens next? Read the full review.

Caramel Kick Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

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I recently reviewed Adina: Vanilla Nut Case, an entirely organic coffee energy drink that proved to be a pleasant departure from the life of chemicals and artificial flavors I have chosen to lead. In fact, while Vanilla Nut Case only managed a score of 7.43/10 (Good), it still influenced me to try another product from Adina. So I ran out and hunted down today’s drink, a can of Adina: Caramel Kick.

Though I can confirm right away I am going to have the same gripes about the lack of value, which is what drug Vanilla Nut Case’s score down, I am hoping that I find the same quality of aroma and ingredients, maybe even a better flavor with Caramel Kick.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Amp Energy Gum Review on Caffeine Critic!

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Are you looking for a delicious way to freshen your breath and get a quick boost of energy? Then look elsewhere, because Amp Energy Gum is one of the worst energy products I’ve ever experienced.

Topics covered in my review on Caffeine Critic include, but are not limited to, the Holocaust, incest bisexuality amongst nuns, dead babies being eaten by vultures, and dry butt rape. That’s right, all of those comparisons were drawn to indicate exactly how awful this gum truly is. I feel awful for writing such an offensive article, but it is for the good of my readers. Oh, and bestiality also gets a mention.

I suggest heading on over to Caffeine Critic to read the entire review.

Vanilla Nut Case Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

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I love vanilla. Those of you who followed my energy reviews on Everyview.com religiously (Hi, mom!) probably know that. It is my favorite flavor of all time. Vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream, vanilla coffee, vanilla chocolate, vanilla, vanilla clam chowder — anything vanilla is almost always a complete treat for me. Except for the vanilla clam chowder. That was fucking awful.

At any rate, I picked up a few drinks to review on the site yesterday, and one of them was Adina Vanilla Nut Case. Actually, the entire text on the front of the can reads: “Adina Natural Highs Vanilla Nut Case Fair Trade Colombian coffee with Milk Antioxidant Booster Coffee Energy Drink.” Yeah, I know. But regardless of how obnoxious the can may be, with words all over it and shit, I’m hoping Vanilla Nut Case will prove to be one of those magical concoctions that I dream about for months to come.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Drank: Extreme Relaxation Beverage Review on Caffeine Critic!

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drank extreme relaxation beverageA while back I reviewed a something called the Mini Chill Relaxation Shot, which I granted a very high score of 9.0/10 partially because of its refreshing taste, appetizing aroma, and fair value. The thing that really won the product such a positive review, was the fantastic way it makes you feel. You see, as the name implies, Mini Chill is a Relaxation Shot, meaning it makes you relax.

Think of Drank as the beverage form of Mini Chill. It’s a 16 oz. drink that’ll make you slow down, relax, and feel super awesome. It’s time to buy yoself a Drank.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Apple Slam Headshot: Mega Energy Shot Reviewed on Caffeine Critic!

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I’ve had this shot for a few months now, sitting on top of my mini fridge and gathering dust. I came across it earlier today while I was doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, and it fell out from under a pile of old porno magazines and Taco Bell wrappers. I was up late last night and was feeling a bit drowsy, so I wiped off the hand lotion and Fire Sauce that the tomb of trash it had been encased within for God knows how long and figured it couldn’t do any harm. I really needed the boost.

I really hope this thing doesn’t have an expiration date.

To read the full review, head on over to Caffeine Critic!