[Tech Review] Apple iPad2

Until recently, I have never owned an Apple product outside of an 80GB iPod. I just wanted to lead off with that statement because, as many of you are likely fully aware, there are three types of people in this world: Those who absolutely LOVE Apple and every single product they pump out, those who opt to instead hate the company with a fiery passion for no discernible reason whatsoever, and those who quite simply don’t give a shit.

Myself? I quite simply don’t give a shit.

As I said, I own a regular old thumb-wheel iPod. The kind they had before all that touch-screen jazz and WiFi garbage. Just a simple, easy-to-use, well-built music player. It is an amazing product, and is far superior to the new iPod touches in nearly every manner as far as I’m concerned.

With the exception of that one gadget, I’ve never held even the slightest interest in anything Apple has made, including the iPad.

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[Drunk Game Review] BlazBlue: Continuum Shift II (Nintendo 3DS)

I’m drinking this really awful wine. It’s called The Naked Grape and is an attractive-looking California pinot noir. Peanut noir, lol. Anyway, I’ve been so tired of not having a vast array of games on my new 3DS, that every game that comes out piques my excitement to the point where I run out and buy it ASAP.

My stomach hurts.

Such was the case with BlazBlue: Continuum Shift II. As I’ve said in my previous two reviews for fighting games on the 3DS, I’m just not that in to fighthing games. I like DOA: Dimensions a lot, and I got plenty of fun out of Super Street Fighter 4: 3D Edition, but I really don’t need yet ANOTHER fighting game to play. I knew that. Consciously even. I considered turning around on my way to the store, thinking that I really didn’t want the game. I just wanted more games for my 3DS. This is awful wine. Why am I drinking cheap-ass wine? I’m not a teenage girl.



Ok, so I played this game a little bit earlier and was unable to enjoy it. It’s too damn hard. Lol, Squidbillies is on TV. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. It’s the episode with truck balls or whatever. Now there’s blood inside the window. And a face on the floor. Oh. A Bunch of baby squids. Lifeguard on Booty. This show is gross.

Anyway, it’s just too damn hard. It took so long to learn how to be compitant at SSFIV, and this game seems even harder to learn. I’m not a hardcore fighting fan. Why did I buy this game?

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[Movie Review] The King’s Speech (2010)

Last Sunday, The King’s Speech was honored at the 83rd Annual Academy Awards as Best Picture, and also earned nods for Best Actor and Best Director. Does the film, starring Colin Firth as King George VI, live up to the hype?

Yes, and no.

Firth’s performance as the troubled monarch was phenomenal and very much deserving of his Best Actor award. Firth’s humanity is evident in nearly every frame, as the soon-to-be King battles a stammering issue that has plauged him since childhood with the help of a new Speech Coach, Lionel Logue (played by Geoffrey Rush).

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[Movie Review] Zombie Town (2006)

I’m not very good at running a website.

Why? I’ve had Zombie Town in my Netflix instant queue since well before Halloween, along with a handful of other zombie movies — all of which I planned on reviewing before the October 31st. Obviously, that didn’t happen. However, I did manage to view and review Gangs of the Dead before my self-imposed deadline, meaning I’m not completely awful at running a website.

Zombie Town is not a very good zombie movie. It attempts to accomplish feats such as scaring you, making you laugh, and forming a bond between the viewer and the film’s characters; all of which are necessary for a successful zombie movie, none of which the movie accomplishes. Zombie Town did manage to impress me with buckets of gore, some cheesy one-liners, and a Romeronian portrayal of the living dead, meaning it isn’t completely awful.

I also expect at least three people to read this, meaning I’m awful at getting my hopes up, just like I am at running a website.

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[Energy Drink Review] Shock: Triple Latte Energy Blend

Here’s a portion of a Caffeine Critic review:

Is it possible to put into any less than a measly paragraph or two the importance of canned coffee and the impact it has had on our modern world? No, it isn’t.

Canned coffees have helped the advancement of education, provided extra funding to cancer research, helped prevent preteen pregnancies among American girls who have unspeakable daddy issues, brought entire opposing nations to their knees, and helped Brad Pitt and his gang of rag tag soldiers find and successfully kill Adolf Hitler during World War II. What’s that? You’ve never seen Inglorious Basterds? Shame on you, go watch it now.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Restaurant Review] Kringle’s Kafe’

If you were to guess what type of eatery Kringle’s was, chances are you’d assume they offered some type of seasonal meal options like honey ham, yams, green beans, fruit cake, and maybe even some type of pie. I mean, what else would you expect from a restaurant with such a vibrant Christmas theme?

Once you’re inside the illusion of a jolly winter holiday theme is pumped to the max, with seasonal decorations and paintings all over the place. There is even a giant tyrannical statue of Santa Claus himself, watching out over the dining room making sure all of the kids on his turf are behaving themselves, menacingly silent but always ready to pounce on his first unsuspecting victim.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

Sparkling Mixed Berry THiNQ Energy Drink Review on Caffeine Critic!

There are two kinds of energy lovers out there. The first type is the person who loves gaming, skating, free running, biking, staying up late, yelling, and moving a lot in general, all of the time. I am usually this kind of person (though I admit that I cannot skate or free run). The other side would be the person who has to wake up early for work, has an important job that pays well, maybe has a young family, fancy car, and enjoys feeling recharged and energized for the entire day. I will probably never have a decent job, fancy car, or family of my own.

Curious to know where this is headed? Check out the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

DVD Review: Flogging Molly “Live At The Greek Theatre”

For the uninitiated, Flogging Molly may seem like a bunch of Irish dudes playing fiddle and accordion, but for me they popped my concert cherry and have been a favorite of mine for a long time. I was unaware that they released a live DVD/CD set, so when I stumbled upon it I was very surprised. I had been out of the Flogging Molly loop for awhile so I wasn’t sure what to expect of it.


I’ll start off by saying that if you have not experienced a Flogging Molly concert then you are missing out on one of the best nights of your life. But if you can’t go then this is a pretty good glimpse of what their show is like. The crowd is pumped and excited and that energy clearly has an effect on the band, with each of them sweating and shouting along with the fans. It’s really intense and enjoyable. Continue reading

Syzmo: Prickly Pear Review on Caffeine Critic

Organic energy drink can

… But before I get to the actual review, let me tell you more about this sore throat. My airway is practically swollen shut, though it is getting much better. Riddled along my tonsils are little puss-filled wart-like blemishes, plump and white, that occasionally pop and release a rancid odor. Everything seems to be getting a bit better, but now I’ve got this uncontrollable cough that projects a dark green slime from within my body into my mouth so I am forced to taste it. It tastes like guacamole. I don’t like guacamole. …

You can’t not read the rest of it. Check out my full review on Caffeine Critic!

[Music Review] Owl City “Ocean Eyes”

It’s often helpful to compare similarly styled bands in order for the reader of a review or opinion piece to understand the genre, type, or style of music the writer is talking about. Allow me to describe Owl City’s album Ocean Eyes in three words.

It’s freaking terrible.

Now, I’m going to elaborate on this because my beloved Editor-in-Chief will not allow me to post a 33 word review due to the fact that it lacks objectivity.

This album is twelve tracks of complete garbage. I honestly have heard very few albums that are this terrible start to finish. It’s pandering, redundant, boring, (negative adjective), (negative adjective), (negative adjective). Continue reading