[Energy Shot Review] Love Energy Potion

Sigh… Love. What a beautiful thing. There is nothing more splendid that finding that one perfect match for you. The one person that matches you to the deepest degree. The person with which you can make sensual, sweet love for the rest of your life. Your soul mate.

Sadly, not everyone is equally able to find that elusive love. I am one of those people. No matter where I go, what I say or how I dress, women quite simply aren’t interested in anything I have to offer. Perhaps it is because I’m prematurely balding? Well, I’m also fat… that probably has something to do with it. I’m also blessed with a face that resembles a burn victim, though my scars were caused by years of teenage acne as opposed to the raging flames of a house fire. I know I’m not the only one. No, there are dozens of us! People who can’t seem to find love are all around you, sulking in the shadows of your happiness, holding a gun to our heads and masturbating with Kroger-brand unscented lotion.

However, many of us have our ways of finding women even if they aren’t interested in us. The only one I’ve ever participated in is drastically lowering my standards, accepting anything with a vagina and a heartbeat. Well… a vagina at least. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? The dead ones are much better than the morbidly obese, bearded man-ladies I often take home.

The other two options are ones I’m not so fond of, but I’ve heard they work. The first is slipping a rufilin into a girl’s drink, taking her home and having your way with her. The other is very similar to the roofie trick, only much cheaper. Simply grab a brick or large rock off the ground, and instead of slipping it into her drink, bash your selected lover over the skull with it. Same effect of date rape drugs without the expense and risk of haggling with a shady drug dealer.

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Apple Slam Headshot: Mega Energy Shot Reviewed on Caffeine Critic!

I’ve had this shot for a few months now, sitting on top of my mini fridge and gathering dust. I came across it earlier today while I was doing a bit of Spring Cleaning, and it fell out from under a pile of old porno magazines and Taco Bell wrappers. I was up late last night and was feeling a bit drowsy, so I wiped off the hand lotion and Fire Sauce that the tomb of trash it had been encased within for God knows how long and figured it couldn’t do any harm. I really needed the boost.

I really hope this thing doesn’t have an expiration date.

To read the full review, head on over to Caffeine Critic!

[Energy Shot Review] Mr. Energy 8-Hour Shot


8hourshotWhen it comes to energy shots, five hours is usually the accepted amount of time a boost should last. But why? Work shifts aren’t five hours. School days aren’t five hours. Why settle for around half of what you want when there is a product out there that can give you exactly what you need.

Ladies and gentlemen, the 8-Hour Energy Shot, formulated to last all day long with no traceable crash. Can this little bottle really deliver on such huge promises? We’re about to find out, because it’s review time! Continue reading

Review: Monster Hitman

Monster HitmanOverview:

Hitman is Monster’s newest product, a tiny 3 swig shot of powerfully potent energy potion. You’re probably most familiar with 6 Hour Power energy shots, and if you’ve been looking then you’ve most likely started to see NOS, Full Throttle, and AMP putting out their own shots.

These shots are designed to give a sufficient kick that lasts for a while and has no traceable crash. Some do it better than others, and I’ll always prefer my energy drinks to be canned, hard hitting, short lived beasts with delicious tastes and aromas, but these shots are a good substitute for those who don’t like the crash, however subtle it may be.

Does Hitman nail it’s target?

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