After the smashing success (by which I mean, slightly less than appalling failure) of my Top Movies of the Decade List, I felt compelled to compile a list that goes in the exact opposite direction. But while it’s nice to play dress up on this site, I am hardly a professional critic. Throw in being poor, and it becomes increasingly difficult for me to accumulate enough items in various entertainment mediums to compile an entire list of pieces I hate in each particular category.
Luckily, monetary issues haven’t prevented me from encountering a great deal of things I detest from all aspects of entertainment. So at the risk of robbing the world of my amusing and articulate observations, I have decided to mash all my hatred into one big, self-indulgent piece. With that, I present to you my list chronicling the most malodorous individual pieces of excrement which have flowed from the bowels of the entertainment industry over the past ten years.
Worst Movie: High Tension (2005)
Listen, I could complain about this horrific waste of celluloid all day. In fact, there’s a good chance that at some point I have. But in the interest of saving space, if you truly want to know how much I despise this sorry excuse for a horror film, this previous review chronicles my feelings in great detail.
Worst Song: “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock (2008)
The mega-success of acts like 3 Doors Down and Nickelback proved that imagination and commercial success didn’t exactly walk hand-in-hand this decade. But there’s a difference between being derivative and being a thief, and while the success of those bands is upsetting, the inexplicable magnitude of which this Kid Rock “interpretation” became a hit is actually offensive.
Now I’m not always outraged by successful cover songs (if the world is an icy cold revolver pointed at my temple, All-4-One’s rendition of “I Swear” is the safety switch) but to just outright steal the music of two classic rock songs and sprinkle them with lyrics about how much fun you used to have sitting around with your friends and stealing other people’s songs is too much. The fact this became a no. 1 hit in various countries is a sad commentary on the taste of the world’s population.
Worst Commercial: Taco Bell’s Black Jack Taco (2009)
A lot of people have told me this is a delicious concoction. Regardless of the culinary delight it may be, I vow never to try it for one reason, and that reason is I hate the fuckstick in that commercial.
There is an undeniable smugness to the way that jackass mutters “black taco” that just makes me want to savagely beat him for hours and hours. What’s worse is you just know this imbecile is going to use that damn line to score for years. I guess I’ll be able to rest easily when the chlamydia he’s bound to contract finally renders him sexually useless.
Worst TV Show: (Post has been deleted by Zac Pritcher)
I hate Family Guy and wanted to make a post to properly express my hatred. However, Zac Pritcher has decided since he disagrees with my opinion that it cannot be brought to light, even though such a censorship clearly mocks the moniker of the site he created. While I am upset and I’m certainly an advocate for accuracy, I will acknowledge everyviewthatzacpritcer,tyrannicalfuckthatheis,deemsworthyofpublication.com simply isn’t a catchy domain name.
Worst Miscellaneous DVD: Bob Dylan: 1966 World Tour- The Home Movies (2004)
Bob Dylan is one of the great idols of my life, and I can’t help but be fascinated by every move he’s ever made. One of the most well-known moments of his career was his 1966 World Tour in which he was greeted with hostility and booed mercilessly because he switched from his usual acoustic folk music to a more commercial and rock n’ roll electric sound. This was a seminal time in music, so how you ask could a DVD with video footage of the tour shot by his drummer possibly be bad?
Well, it turns out it could be quite awful if said drummer Mickey Jones, apparently unable to survive on the royalties he earned from his recurring role as Pete on Home Improvement, decides to falsely use Dylan’s name to sell a DVD featuring Home Movies he shot while site seeing on various tour stops. All told this 90-minute cavalcade of crap contains exactly two clips of Dylan and his band performing. The biggest slap in the face is that these very brief clips contain no sound.
The legendary bootleg album Bob Dylan Live 1966, The “Royal Albert Hall” Concert gives a terrific taste of this tour and is a must own for anyone seeking a better understanding of how tense a time this was in Bob Dylan’s great career. As for this DVD, it’s one of the world’s most useless creations. It’s nothing more than a pathetic vanity project complied by a self-important jackass who has greatly overestimated his importance in music history.
Now, in an attempt at showmanship, I have decided to save the best (by which I mean worst) for last. My “worst album” entry is personally special. It’s a work so bad it’s actually quite powerful in its awfulness. A work so putrid, a disagreement about its quality can actual lead to the end of a multi-year friendship (good riddance, Erik). But, after years of suffering silently, the time has finally come for me to publicly express my most vile of feelings towards what is possibly nature’s worst creation of the last 10 years, if not longer.
So, without further ado:
Worst Album: El Cielo by Dredg (2002)
Remember that old commercial where the Indian cries over the litter on the highway? Well, if the producers of that ad wanted to record a soundtrack, and decided the music should be composed by the most guilt-ridden white liberal douche bags on the planet, the album they made could very likely become the second most pretentious piece of garbage ever released to the public. As for the top slot, California prog-rockers Dredg have that locked for life.
The music of El Cielo, Spanish for “the sky” (anyone else blown away by the remarkable bi-linguality on display here?) isn’t awful in and of itself. I mean it’s the standard uninteresting and self-congratulatory stuff you’d expect from a bad prog rock band, but it doesn’t set a new standard of awfulness. The same can’t be said for the work of frontman Gavin Hayes.
The lyrics of El Cielo are insufferable. It’s loaded with wall-to-wall metaphors about the weary world we live in, all of which are laughable and void of anything even remotely resembling profound thought. If any fun could be found in this album, it would be to see how long you could listen to Hayes’ nonsense without bursting into stunned laughter. With great restraint, I made it to the 2:46 mark of track 2 (track 1 is an instrumental) “Same Ol’ Road” when he encourages the listener to “sit in your backyard and watch as clouds peak over the tallest mountain tops, because they unveil honest opinions about the stars.” Yuck.
Equally appalling is the heavy-handed and hammy way Hayes goes about delivering the verbal vomitoriums he calls lyrics. He seems to believe if he shows enough EMOTION, people won’t realize he’s not saying anything. No such luck.
The biggest lowlight on this album with exactly zero highlights occurs on “Triangle.” After making the Earth shattering revelation that “babies are born in the same buildings where people go to pass away,” the music stops and a solo Hayes, reaching the maximum amount eye-rolling “passion” that can be held on a disc, quietly bellows “paaaaaaaass awaaaaaaaaaaaaay.” Double yuck.
Like seemingly every awful art rock band (Coheed and Cambria, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, etc.) Dredg makes concept albums. While concept albums can be great (my favorite album of all time is such a work) they can also be an easy way to dismiss unimpressed listeners as people who simply “don’t get it.” I don’t know the story of El Cielo, and I don’t care to know it. The only way it could ever be perceived as anything other than a failure of epic proportions is if it were meant to be a parody album, which it clearly isn’t. If you’re ever subjected to this album, be sure to have a friend nearby. That way if you run out of vomit you can borrow some of theirs (a big thanks to Tom Servo for that joke).
That’s all I have to offer for this particular piece. If an acquaintance ever encourages you to seek out anything listed above, my advice is this:
Stab them. Stab them and stab them and stab them until they are dead.
When you consider your time could be spent hanging out with an idiot who is simultaneously watching High Tension and listening to El Cielo to see if they sync up, a life sentence won’t seem so bad.
I recently watched #2 on your top 5 movies of the decade. “Oldboy” is sick, twisted and perverse. You should be ashamed for recommending it to anyone that isn’t morally depraved. Maybe that’s why you like it so much you fucking sicko. I hope you die in a grease fire.
Will do!
Good work on “verbal vomitorium.” Not only is it more correct than your rejected phrase, it also has the alliteration thing going for it.
Also, I think I may have been there when you complained for an entire day about High Tension.
I disagree. I think everyviewthatzacpritcer,tyrannicalfuckthatheis,deemsworthyofpublication.com is a very catchy domain name, and I was actually trying to buy it for the site. Unfortunately, the owners of the domain were unwilling to separate with it under any circumstances.
Nice list. I’m sure everything here I haven’t experienced (High Tension, Bob Dylan DVD) deserve their spot. I know Kid Rock does. But there is no way that Dredg album (which I haven’t heard) is worse than Scream by Chris Cornell, or worse than 80% of rap and metal albums. I understand the hate for Family Guy as well (though I enjoy it).
Well done list.
I’ve heard a few songs on “Scream” just to see if it was as bad as everyone said it was. Based on what I heard, it seems like it did a lot to earn its awful reputation. I am just really turned off to anything reeking of self-importance and the stink coming off that Dredg album is beyond revolting. It’s too easy to go after the Hinder’s off the world because that music is clearly only made for financial gain. Dredg seems to think they can change the world with their banalities and for that, they end up feeling the blunt of my venomous wrath.
I have to say that your list is pretty good all round. I do have to say that I would disagree with the family guy being on your list (even though the post is gone), and not just because I feel that family guy is one of the best things to be on tv since the simpsons ( and the simpsons is still a good show). I feel that even if you hate family guy, there are plenty of shows that are worse… like any reality show ever!
Jared (owner of, everyviewthatzacpritcer,tyrannicalfuckthatheis,deemsworthyofpublication.com,)
Jared I won’t disagree that a show like “Rock of Love” would probably be harder to endure than an episode of “Family Guy,” but to put that on the list is really fish in a barrel territory because even the people who like it would likely confess they believe it to be trash. “Family Guy” on the other hand is almost universally praised as this piece of subversive genius. I find it to be very annoying, thus my feelings towards it are much more bitter than shows like the one I mentioned above. Then only time to really attack lowest common denominator stuff is under special circumstances (see Kid Rock).
I hope there’s no bitterness towards me for saying your domain name isn’t catchy. I admire you have the courage to start a site that tells the stone cold truth.
you are a fakin retard.
you are way off on Dredg or prgo rock buddy, COheed and Cambria are amazing musicians along with Dredg. I listen to music that runs the gambit of the music world I have no one taste in music other then I like talented music not bullshit made for commercial success. the singer of Dredg has an amazing voice and the music to accompany it is incredible, same with Claudio from Coheed and their music, incredible musicians. You have your head in your ass when it comes to your review of El Cielo, their following two albums are incredible as well. suck lemons you moron.
Yeah Clay, suck on lemons.
@Dolemite
Are all Dredg fans as articulate as you? If so, I may have to be a bit more progressive (or “prgoressive as you would say) in my quest towards finding them enjoyable, as I simply cannot take such dazzlingly worded insults without weeping. Suck lemons I will!
Clay,
I agree with you when it comes to kid rock, or anything to do with fast food. I am quite intrigued to know what kind of stuff you call “good” music, dredg is an amazing band, that has stayed away from commercial influence for the most part of their career. Their most recent album “the pariah, the parrot, the delusion” has been called “dredg’s most commercial sounding album” is still a great album, but to give “el cielo” such a misleading review, is down-right blasphemy. To turn people away from this album is such garbage, it’s a purely experimental album, that has the ability to engulf you in sound. It really sounds as if you are a person who is just frustrated with your life and hates the fact that you will never be able to create anything worth calling “art”.
Why don’t we just skip the part where I tell you what I consider good music and you simply just say “anyone who likes so-and-so has no business critiquing Dredg!” Just because something isn’t “commercial” doesn’t mean it’s good. There are a lot of great “arty” bands, but there are many others, Dredg for instance, who just make pretentious nonsense that’s actually worse than the dreck being churned out on Top 40 stations because of how cloaked in self-importance it is.
And seriously, was that last jab really supposed to hurt my feelings? Don’t shatter your spinal chord patting yourself on the back with that eighth grade level zinger.
Actually, i was just curious on the type of music you like. I never said that anything non-commercial is good, i was saying something more to the point of, just because it’s non-commercial DOESN’T mean it’s not good, or not even worth listening to. You may not care for dredg, but, i cannot comprehend how you justify one of their albums to be the worst album of the past decade. It does seem you may have some emotional connections to the deep and utter hatred of el cielo. Have you listened to any of their releases after el cielo?
If you’re truly curious to know my taste, scroll down to my list on this link: http://www.everyview.com/2009/11/30/zombie-apocalypse-music/
The last spot is subject to change, “Z” just happened to be the album I was digging the most when this was published.
I heard one of their albums on a short car ride with a friend. I don’t remember the name but it had a green cover and there may have been a mosquito on it or something, I don’t remember. Anyway, he asked if I liked it and I honestly hadn’t been paying attention, so he told me I should hear “El Cielo” because, ironically enough, he thought I would like its more artsy approach. Needless to say I didn’t and haven’t been interested in hearing anything else they’ve done.
There probably are bands who are worse, but what’s the point of attacking the likes of Godsmack? To make memorably bad art you have to have ambition, or else you’ve forgotten it 10 minutes later. I know there are people who like this album but I am not one of them. In fact, when listening to it again for this list, I had to listen in shifts because I simply could not tolerate their singer for the albums duration.
The funny thing about the zombie music list is that I would already change mine. Without the little write-ups I did for mine, it lacks context. My reasoning was much more sound than it appears.
I think I have to check out Dredg now, just because you loathe this album so much.
seriously!??!?!?!?!?!?!? dredg’s el cielo got a disgustingly negative review from someone who has no idea what music is, nor what this album, in particular, is about! If all you like is commercial music like Hinder, Seether, Nickleback, etc, then you probably wont like dredg, and that is fine. but just because you dont understand, doesn’t give you the right to bash on such a great band that is full of life, energy, passion, and love for their work.
What exactly are you people reading into what I’m saying? I don’t like 3DD, Nickleback, etc. I’d wager I probably hate them every bit as much as you do, hence my saying their success is “upsetting” in the early part of my list. What I’ve said, repeatedly, and will probably have to continue to say repeatedly because you simply refuse to acknowledge my point, is that I think Dredg’s album is worse than their albums, one because I’ve never heard any of those works in their entirety, but also because it aims so much higher, thus making their failure more astonishing. I know the standard procedure is to always assume people who disagree with your taste as hopeless rubes, but actually know what you’re talking about before trying to make a point. I’m all for debate, but trying to start one with unsubstantiated assumptions just makes you look petty.
It’s true. El Cielo sucks. Dredg’s Catch Without Arms has been a guilty pleasure of mine and I blame the remnants of my love of all things music, but even I had to cringe at all of this album. It goes to show that the sum is not necessarily better than the individual parts and this band, whose parts are quite good at times, are embarrasingly unaware of how embarrased they should be. It’s a lot like those people dancing on American Bandstand circa 1981-they made the conscious decision to put on the leopard print tight overalls and jelly shoes and thought, “man this is good!” Or those people dancing in the iPod commercials or Subway sandwich commercials. They should be ashamed of themselves. As for Dredg’s legions of lovers, it’s entirely possible for your favorite band to crap out a pile of shit and not just ice cream. It’s ok, you’ll get over it and move on. It happens to everyone.
Okay, Clay, so I guess I’m going to go ahead and deduce that you own multiple Hinder albums, have a Three Doors Down poster on your bedroom wall, and own a Nickelback keychain. I also assume you’re listening to “Down With the Sickness” by Disturbed, while wearing a Sublime t-shirt.
Man, not listening to responses in a debate are fun!
I even got those massive lip rings the singer wears so I can feel more like him as I sing along to his wonderful work.
The fact that I’m a dedicated Dredg fan aside, I don’t understand why El Cielo would get such a bad review simply because it “aims so much higher”. You don’t like it, we get it, but you can’t even appreciate the effort to avoid the commercial rehash sound that you hate? I would say the oppososite, that a band who doesn’t even try to steer clear of generic, awful radio rock should be detested because they’re aiming so much lower, and their effort is just laugable. Although you come across as pretentious and thick-skulled, I hope it’s not to the point that you deny the fact that Dredg is a talented group of individuals and they have a unqiue vision of what they want to do. Nickelback, on the other hand (and every other band that sounds just like them), can’t imagine anything that doesn’t exactly mirror the vomit they’ve already spewed, which in turn mirrors the excrement left by countless bands before them. And yet, you still rate them above Dredg. What you said makes no sense to me, and I don’t care for it to. I just felt the need to make a statement for my favorite band.
I agree with Josh. Dredg are hands down one of the most original and amazing bands of the last decade. I think since you have no idea what El Cielo is actually about Casual Clay, you have no right to give it such a bad review. If you actually understood the album then you wouldn’t be so quick to judge the lyrics. Everything makes sense on that album, just not to a complete tool like you. all this talk about music and yet you still haven’t told us what your favourite bands are. you scared we’re all gonna laugh?
Douche
HAHAHAHA
@ Wes
Hey dipshit, he already posted a link to a list of his favorite music. Pay attention to what’s going on, you’re making yourself look retarded just like all you other Dredg fans who are incapable of intelligent argument, just like you are incapable of listening to decent music.
Just so everyone else knows, the album definitely sucks. Some of the music is decent, and I wouldn’t personally call it the worst album of the decade, but everything falls apart as soon as the singer opens his mouth and begins to spit his lame, sickening lyrics all over the place. These people who are defending it are finding their way in here via a post on the official Dredg message board.
Absolutely I’m scared you’re going to laugh. Logic clearly dictates that I would very much want my musical taste to be approved of by a group of people who are passionately defending my least favorite album of the last 10 years.
el cielo was a game-changing album for me, so i’m biased in the respect that i believe you’re a cloth-eared fool. but more than that… this forum has more or less led me to believe also that the definition of “good” music is nearly 100% relative to the tonal/musical personality of the listener. after, millions would rather listen to Miley Cyrus than Rage Against the Machine. millions would rather listen to Hellyeah than Isis… etc.
sorry, meant to say “after all, millions would rather…”
@greg
While I respectfully disagree with your assessment that I am a “cloth-eared fool,” I will give you credit for defending “El Cielo” on the basis that you personally enjoy it as opposed simply because it isn’t a commercial album. I would never bash a band for having imagination, but I also refuse to give a band a pass for making an imaginative work that made me want to rip my skin off so as to get away from it, and I had I not listened to this album in shifts it may have come to that.
Honestly, I find it laughable that there’s this big a debate. Let me preface what I say by stating this: I love most of Dredg’s music. Now, interestingly enough, I like most of the albums that are on your top ten as well. Look, the fans of Dredg who came here and didn’t like this guy’s opinion, sorry. There are going to be lots of people who have a different opinion that you, such is life. However, don’t attack these fans for liking it either, because that’s wrong in exactly the same sense.
I personally enjoy Dredg’s music. Contrary to this review, I would have probably put something that I’m absolutely sick of hearing…like a Lady GaGa album, or Flo Rida album. Both are generic to a vomit-inducing level. But, as always, that is just *my* opinion.
Have a nice holiday everyone.
Why even argue with this guy “Casual Clay”. Let him continue listening to his mainstream garbage. Obviously his limited brain can’t comprehend anything more then catchy punch lines and simple repetitive beats. Too bad. El Cielo is easily one of this decades best releases. Get your head outta your a** buddy. Happy Holidays.
“Forgot the past, lost the future, only now remains”
@ Hashem
At no point do I recall attacking anyone specifically because they liked this album. My main problem comes from people, such as the dipshit who commented directly below you, reading invisible context in my review that seems to indicate I only like mainstream music simply because I hated “El Cielo.” I am all for people disagreeing with me, but as I’ve stated multiple times, actual debate doesn’t work if you just make up facts about my taste that are nowhere to be found within the text.
Good comment and I extend your holiday well wishes back to you.
You have no idea what music is. Go fuck yourself.
OK your opinion on dredg doesn’t sit well with my opinion but thats the first amendment so thats whatever but really dude honestly you shouldn’t include things like “I don’t know what the albums about” in statements like this because thats just begging for retaliation. That being said maybe thats what you want, to fight with someone over something. Why you want that I have no idea. But if what you want is to fight with someone than its no wonder you don’t like dredg, why? because there are some people in this world that think differently than others the lyrics make sense to me. But not you, and thats OK but it dose not mean they don’t make sense. If you want to quote some I could explain them to you if you would actually listen. But really man critiques are the reason people suck, they hate things, hate is ignorant it only perpetuates your own suffering, yes I know your probably going to call me a hippie or something but really man flick the sand out and stop hating, why not just do the best of whatever I mean you can’t go wrong there because then you get to write post’s like this one to all the haters and be the bigger person rather than the coward hiding behind his own disgust.
just saying
You all make a wonderful argument against leaving a comment, but it is so funny because everyone has a reason for not leaving a comment,
Where did all these dredg fans come from?? It’s like they were alerted by their dredgometer that they should be insulted and flocked her from some deep dark pit to write on this message board. I have to agree with your reasoning though, I hate when something tries to be artsy but comes off as pretentious, it’s worse than when they clearly don’t care.