Lots of Energy Drink Reviews are Coming!

Later today, tomorrow, and Saturday I think it’s only fair to warn you that you will be bombarded with awesome energy drink reviews which might be so awesome that your kidneys fail. You may be asking yourself something like “Why is he giving me so many awesome energy drink reviews? Does he love me?” The answer is yes. I love you very much. And also so that I can do a Holiday Buyer’s Guide for Energy Drink Lovers, and I’m pushing to get all Buyer’s Guides up before the tenth.

We’ve already done PC, DS, and Movie Lover guides, and still have several left to post! We should’ve started sooner, but we didn’t. Next year, though, expect awesome buyer’s guides by the first on December. Don’t hold me to that.

Click ‘Read More’ to see some of the Energy Drink Reviews that will be posted very, very soon.

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PackRat Paragraphs: Giant Monster Can Display

This one goes out to Tallboy2112.

Alright, you wanna know how I managed to get my hands on this? Shameless flirting with a homosexual Middle Eastern gas station attendant. I’ll leave the details to your imagination, but I don’t care if you make fun of me. I really wanted this thing.

drinking monsterClick ‘Read More’ for more pics Continue reading

Review: Monster Mixxd

Monster MixxdOverview:

Ahh, Monster Mixxd. What can I say about you that you can’t say better? A lot. Let’s see what you say about yourself:

Straight from the can:

It’s midnight Wednesday and the house party is about to go off. Everyone is jacked-up on the latest batch of jungle juice cooking in the kettle. Bring back any memories?

How can a little bit of everything taste so good and work so damned quick. That’s kinda what we were thinking when we came up with Monster MIXXD. We took a bunch of our back-up flavors, tossed ’em together, F-NA it’s a masterpiece.

Monster MIXXD has a juiced-up flavor you can’t describe and a creeper buzz you won’t deny.

Don’t take our word for it. Check it out yourself. If you don’t like MIXXD you can have your money back.

Now let’s see what I have to say about you, Monster Mixxd. Continue reading

Review: Monster Assault


Monster Assault has been on store shelves for about as long as the original green drug has been available to consumers, and has almost as many dedicated addicts, or fans, as does it’s parent drink. If you like original Monster, you will most likely also enjoy Assault, as it modifies the distinct Monster Energy taste by adding what seems to be ginger. Maybe. I’m really not sure what it is, but it’s good to say the least.

Straight from the can: “At Monster we don’t get too hung up on politics. We’re not for “the War”, against “the War”, or any war for that matter.

We put the “camo” pattern on our new Monster Assault can because we think it looks cool. Plus it helps fire us up to fight the big multi-national companies who dominate the beverage business.

We’ll leave the politics to the politicians and keep doing what we do best — making the meanest energy supplements on the planet.

Declare war on the ordinary! Grab a Monster Assault and VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

Wow, whoever wrote that obviously has an extreme case of A.D.D. I mean, they were all over the place. That, and they’re a liar. They aren’t for the war but they want to fight so they tell us to declare war. Or something. I quit paying attention pretty quick. I have an attention problem anyway. Does anyone have a bike?

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Monster Army

I was looking around the web for information to use in the Monster Khaos review I recently posted and I came across something called the Monster Army. At first I wasn’t interested in joining, since I already had enough resources to write the review, but I was enticed with offers of free Monster gear. I decided I like free stuff, so I signed up.

Join the Monster Army

Join the Monster Army

The Monster Army offers chances for sponsorship for local and undiscovered extreme sports athletes. I’m gonna see if I can get sponsored as being an extreme bloggist. If it works out, which I doubt it will, I’ll give some loyal readers some free stuff.

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Review: Monster Khaos


Monster Khaos is a very, very unique product. It uses a creative energy blend that is so scientifically advanced that it has the ability to defy mathematical laws that have stood in effect for a very long time. How? The Khaos formula is somehow able to incorporate  an amazing ratio of 50% Juice and 100% Monster. Many would tell you that is theoretically impossible, but the folks at the Monster lab would spit pure energy on their face and then kick them in the chest for being such nerds.

Straight from the can: “It’s alive… Monster Khaos, an insane Juice-Monster hybrid bubbling with the great Monster taste and the big bad buzz you know and love.”

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Review: Mean Bean Java Monster

Mean Bean Java Monster

Mean Bean Java Monster

Not too long ago I reviewed the Mega size of my long-time favorite drink, Monster Energy. The Mega Monster energy supplement scored a 9.0/10 overall giving it (at the time of this writing) the highest review score on this site. Well Monster recently released a line of coffee based drinks called Java Monster to compete directly with Starbucks Frappuccinos.

How does the Java Monster compete with the current king of cold coffees? Let’s find out.


Directly from the can:

“It’s time to get out of line and step up to what’s next.

Java Monster, premium coffee and cream, brewed up with killer flavor, supercharged with monster energy-blend.

Coffee done the right way, wide open, with a take no prisoners attitude and the experience and know how to back it up.

Java Monster… half the caffeine of regular coffee, Twice the Buzz!”

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Review: Mega Monster

The Mega Monster Energy drink is one of those things that claims you can never get too much of a good thing. It says it right on the can. So you assume it’s OK to down as many of these suckers as humanly possible, right? Wrong. Right after the can says you can’t have too much Monster it almost immediately contradicts itself with a little warning label that suggests a limit of two cans per day. Now, most people read from top to bottom and left to right, yes? So you read the statement telling you to drink as much as you can but chances are you won’t read far enough to find out that this aluminum can is a liar that is trying to kill you. Brilliant marketing!

In all seriousness, though, don’t drink too much of this stuff. Two cans is about a 4th of what I intake, so that limit is probably a little haphazard, but it’s just to keep you from overdosing on caffeine… which sucks. Trust me.

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