You wanna know something about writing three Mountain Dew reviews in the span of 12 hours? It’s actually a million times more tedious than it sounds. But with this, I’m finally done, so here’s my review of Whiteout.
To me, Whiteout, which is being called a “smooth citrus Dew,” looked like the least appetizing of all the new flavors. When I saw the bottle, it looked to me like someone just bottled up water that had recently absorbed about two dozen antacid tablets. However, a quick glace at the official Dewmocracy website shows it to be out in front of the other two flavors, including an early lead in my beloved home state of Indiana. So with such a solid word-of-mouth, I was a bit more eager to try it out.
Sadly, I quickly realized I should have maintained my skepticism, as this actually turned out to be my least favorite of the new flavors, and arguably the least appealing Mountain Dew creation I have ever come across. I didn’t struggle to finish it, but I was hardly jonesing to purchase myself a second bottle when I did finish.
This just sort of tasted like a run-of-the-mill citrus beverage. While it’s a step up from an awful drink like Simply Lemonade, which is essentially citrus flavored battery acid, it’s a step down from the usual Mountain Dew fare. There wasn’t really anything positive about the Whiteout flavor that jumped out at me.
Then there was the aftertaste. This was a complaint I had in my Distortion review, and it was even more prevalent here. Like Distortion, the taste isn’t really repugnant, but it’s also not anything will find to be pleasant.
It also wasn’t great accompaniment to the Subway Chicken Sandwich I drank it with. Again, it wasn’t that it made my eating experience worse, but it didn’t make it better either.
One advantage Whiteout may have over the other two flavors is that it offers more in the way of originality. Both Typhoon and Distortion are easily comparable to other flavors, while Whiteout doesn’t instantly compare to any Dew concoction I have ever tried (although I’ve never tried Diet Caffeine Free Mountain Dew, so if this was simply a carbon copy of that, I’d have no way of knowing). Perhaps this explains why it has taken an early lead in the fan vote, but for my money, it was the least appealing of the three flavors, only one of which I actually liked.
Of all the new potential flavors, I feel Typhoon is easily the best, and for what it’s worth, I feel comfortable giving it the official Everyview endorsement, as I found it not only to possess the best taste, but it’s also the only one I could see myself purchasing on even a part-time basis.
As for the current leader in the polls, I can’t get behind it like much of the early voting public has thus far. It’s just sort of has a bland citrus flavor that stays with you longer than you wish it to. In the future I may be willing to reevaluate my opinion on either it or Distortion at a later date if they do manage to win the final vote as I wasn’t exactly nuts about Code Red the first time I tried it. But for the time being, the no. 1 choice is obvious to me.
Final Score: 5.7/10 (Bahk, ugh, jeesh…I’ll take a Crab Juice.)
Click here to cast your official vote in the Mountain Dew “Dewmocracy” competition. The final vote concludes June 14.