Captain’s Log: 17 July, 1677
What a grand day this 17 of July be. With faithful Grog as lookout, me crew boarded the Grand Madame in the dead of night and by morn more than the night lay dead. The treasure, rare teas from the seven seas with tastes more satisfyin than my last port call. Our plunder, we be warned, does strange things… desires, urges, energy of gunpowder. On taste moves men in ways known only in the depths of the blue. For the Grand Madame and her crew… Twas their last taste…
Popping the tab on my can of Gunpowder Green, my nose was met with an absolutely unappealing, dirty aroma. There were small hints of green tea, but any appetizing scent is buried far below a disgusting and offsetting odor that is an immediate turn off and reminds me a little bit of cat piss.
Unsurprisingly, the musky aroma translates exceptionally well into the drink’s taste, and that’s not a good thing. Black Jack is absolutely disgusting. It seems the drink is supposed to be citrus flavored, but it ends up tasting much more like flat beer and dirt. The green tea is detectable, but sits under the disgusting and unpalatable flavor. On a positive note, there isn’t too much of an aftertaste to haunt your tastebuds after you make the mistake of putting this disgusting concoction in your mouth.
Equally morbid in performance is the kick. After literally forcing this stuff into my stomache, I was expecting to be rewarded with at least a decent boost. Sadly though, I felt literally almost nothing except for sick to my stomache. Literally one of the worst kicks I’ve ever attained from something claiming to be an energy drink.
Surely there must be at least one redeeming feature about Black Jack, right? It only costs 88 cents, making it the cheapest 16 oz energy drink I’ve ever had. If you’ve read everything leading up to this, however, you know that this drink isn’t even worth the aluminum it’s stored in.
Black Jack Gunpowder Green Energy Tea is one of the worst energy drinks I have ever had. It has a musky, dirty arom with an equally disgusting flavor. Forcing this drink down your throat in hopes of a decent kick is pointless, as you’ll just walk away feeling like you’ve contracted scurvy.
And while 88 cents is a fantastic price, I cannot recommend anyone spending any money on this drink. Ever.
- 88 cents
- Literally everything else
Score: 3.6/10 (Disgusting)