Energy drinks are supposed to make you move fast. Cars move fast. Especially race cars. Race cars usually only turn left. Get it? That is where this drink got it’s name. But if you think that’s stupid, then you should hear the drink’s slogan: “Turn Left Twice and Turn Your Day Around.”
Popping the tab on Turn Left Energy, I was immediately met with an intense salty aroma reminiscent of either Smarties mixed with ocean water or possibly the sweat and blood that might drip from a morbidly obese prostitute’s cellulite-enriched thighs.
Sadly, though, Turn Left tastes nothing like Smarties or bloody hooker sweat. Instead, drinkers are treated to a beverage with a heavily artificial flavor slightly reminiscent of Red Bull–salty and bitter. There is, however, a thick film that will be left the consumer’s mouth followed by a heavily medicinal aftertaste that is very much like a hooker’s bloody thigh sweat.
Accompanying Turn Left’s mediocre aroma and flavor is an uncomfortable and jittery kick. It’s the kind of kick that plagued many of the first energy drinks, a stereotype that still sticks with energy drinks as a whole even to this day. After drinking it you’ll feel shaky and uncomfortable.
In terms of value, I only paid 70 cents for my can of Turn Left at my local Big Lots, and even that was too much. The drink smells and tastes pretty bad, and gives a kick you’ll regret. The drink comes in a 16 oz two serving can and originally retailed for about $1.99.
It looks like left was the wrong way to go, as Turn Left accomplishes absolutely nothing. It has a gross aroma and an equally offsetting flavor, and gives the drinker an uncomfortable and jittery buzz as opposed to any kind of real kick. I don’t recommend Left Turn to anyone but the curious reader who refuses to believe me, even for the dirt cheap discount price of 70 cents, and no one should even consider dropping full price for this stuff.
- Can be found at Big Lots for 70 cents
- Salty, salty, salty
- Uncomfortable, jittery kick
- 70 cents might actually be too much
Score: 4.3/10 (Gross)