If you’re like me, you have things. They’re pretty great, but they take up space. Things like chairs, books, clothes hangers and pet birds. When things are just sitting around in the way, it gets pretty hard managing your living space. Well, luckily scientists just released a breakthrough in storage technology. It’s big, it’s brown, and it’s cube-shaped. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a new era in “putting things in other things,” The Cardboard Box.
Now, I know what you’re saying to yourself. “Thomas, I don’t fully understand the message you’re trying to convey to me. That thing’s huge, how is it going to make MORE space?” Well, reader, I’ve got a little secret for you:
The box is hollow.
That’s it. That’s what makes this product SO buyable. You can put other things in it, which creates the illusion of there being no stuff at all. Just a box. It’s like you have Criss freaking Angel in your living room/bedroom/Parents’ basement calling all the shots! Using his magics on all your stuff!
Cardboard Box not only contains things, but you can fold it right up into a flat square, and it turns into a dance floor! It also has a water-activated color-changing technology built in. When your cardboard gets wet, it goes from a smooth and light beige to a dark, classy deep brown. The best part? Cardboard Box works with the duct tape you have at home, making it infinitely resealable for optimal usability.
Score: 9.0/10 (Probably the greatest thing to happen to the storage world.)
Brownness: 10/10 (TWO shades of brown in one, depending on the amount of water present.)
Cardboardness: 10/10 (Made of SOLID cardboard.)
Entertainment Value: 7.0/10 (Could be slightly more exciting. Number of break dancers in the vicinity can potentially bump this score up to an 8.5)