Review: Amazone Guarana Cigarettes

Amazone Guarana CigarettesFirst off, I do not recommend smoking by anyone of any age. This review is for people who have already made the conscious decision to take on the habit and inform them of other products they might enjoy. If you have not already started smoking then it’s best if you never do.


This is possibly the stupidest idea ever. Cigarettes with guarana, an energizing substance often found in energy drinks? That makes absolutely no sense. It’s like, “Hey! I wanna run now but I can’t because it hurts my lungs”. Pissing me off. Whoever thought of these probably feels like the worlds biggest moron, and rightfully so. This was a stupid idea.


These cigarettes taste like straight anal wart puss, and it’s horrible. The tobacco tastes atrocious due to the addition of the bitter guarana substance. They’re the single most sour cigarettes I’ve ever smoked, and they hurt your throat about as much as swallowing glass covered in salt would. They are disgusting.

And they smell like shit, too! What an awesome product. Not only do they taste like 3 day old unwashed dead cow liver, but they smell just as bad! These cigarettes are real winners, guys.

Value? What value? These vomit inducing tobacco products come in a pack of only 10 for about 5 bucks. Ok, let’s do the math. 10 of the worst cigarettes you’ll ever smoke…. 5 bucks…. if you carry the one…. add it all up and you get a big Fuck This Shit!

Final Words:

Gross. Do NOT, under any circumstances, buy these.


  • … hmm… they’re cigarettes?


  • Horribly stupid idea
  • Taste like a dead grandpa’s nut sweat
  • Smell like it, too
  • 5 bucks for 10 shitty smokes?
  • Fuck that!


Overall: 1.3/10 (Unbelievably bad)

Flavor: 1.5/10 (horrible)
Odor: 2.0/10 (horrible)
Value: .5/10 (Ha)

15 thoughts on “Review: Amazone Guarana Cigarettes

  1. Oh yeah, and the next person who disses on my purple gloves is getting smacked with them.

  2. zac, telling by the glove, i think youve turned into grimace from mcdonalds, you know.. the big purple one.

  3. in regards to your gloves:
    I kinda like ’em… in a homosexual kinda way.

    in regards to the review:
    those are waaaay too expensive to even be able to experiment with.

  4. dude, did i start the whole gloves thing or has that been a trend for somtime of people commenting them.

  5. @ David H
    I think you’re the first one to actually put something about them in the comments, since the first time he had them on was for the Body Shot cigars. As for the first person to actually comment on them, no. At the very least, I was there when he was taking the pictures, laughing at him about them.

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  8. Energy cigarettes are great for people with no time in the morning, who would like to enjoy a smoke to wake up on the way to work or university, or whatever. There’s where I see the use. But of course, if they taste like anal wart puss, I don’t think it’s wort it.

    BTW, how do you know what anal wart puss and dead grandpa’s nut sweat tastes like? The gloves are the least of your concerns :p

  9. @Lars

    Because I’ve smoked both anal wart puss and dead grandpappy testisweat. Duh.

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