[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)

Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.

  1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
  2. Share the corpse with my dog
  3. Kill my dog
  4. Eat my dead dog
  5. Get raped
  6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
  7. Get raped by my own mother
  8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
  9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
  10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole
  11. Drink bleach
  12. Drink my own semen
  13. Watch The Happening
  14. Pierce my own testicle
  15. Pierce my ear using nothing but my own testicle
  16. Eat my own testicle
  17. Make love to Regis Philbin
  18. Watch Regis Philbin make love to my mom
  19. Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole
  20. Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole without lube
  21. Touch fire
  22. Eat fire
  23. Touch fire with my penis and then eat it
  24. Eat spaghetti out of Roseanne Barr’s asshole
  25. Let a nun brush my teeth with hot sauce
  26. Brush a nun’s teeth with anything
  27. Bite a nun’s clitoris off
  28. Kidnap people from my family reunion and use them as sex slaves
  29. Get AIDS
  30. Get HIV
  31. Get genital warts
  32. Give crabs to my dead aunt
  33. Fart on a chocolate cake
  34. Eat chocolate cake after farting on it
  35. Eat meatloaf
  36. Fart on meatloaf
  37. Eat meatloaf after farting on it
  38. Listen to Fall Out Boy on purpose
  39. Hammer my pecker to an empty aluminum can with a rusty nail
  40. Push my thumbs through my own eyeballs
  41. Miss the zombie apocalypse for gay sex with a Chinese dwarf
  42. Lose my banjo
  43. Shave my pubic hair with a pencil
  44. Play through the Goosebumps game that’s on the Wii
  45. Watch newer episodes of Goosebumps
  46. Get a tattoo of a goose pecking at Bill Clinton on my face
  47. Eat cereal out of a baby’s soft spot
  48. Eat my great grandma’s wig
  49. Get a sex change and have intercourse with a dead hobo
  50. Listen to Sarah Palin give a speech

There you have it, fifty things I would rather do than ever drink Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea ever again.

Score: 0/10

6 thoughts on “[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)


  1. 51. rub my sack against rough stubble of a lumberjack’s face in subzero weather in a blizzard.
    52. nuke my hometown.
    53. make love to CDi Link while watching some chick I care about get raped.
    54. give up the guitar.
    55. FUCK A CACTUS!
    56. FUCK A CACTAUR! (suggested by a friend)
    57. Be the lucky fucker to give Sylvester Stallone’s face that face lift he needs so badly.
    58. Deny Star Wars existed and claim extreme hatred for Han Solo.
    59. Watch Star Wars Holiday Special again…
    60. 59, only while my ball sack is being chewed on by a Tusken Rader.

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  3. 61. Put a broken glass tampon in my ass
    62. Pretend the Simpson’s is still relevant
    63. Cum in my own eye
    64. Projectile vomit into my Dad’s mouth
    65. Eat my projectile vomit out of my dad’s mouth
    66. Spontaneously combust
    67. Run over a cute little baby rabbit
    68. Get run over by a cute little baby rabbit
    69. Find out my girlfriend is pregnant
    70. And so is her sister


  4. this review sucked… i dont care what anyone says…. this was pure stupid.. thank you and goodbye

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