[New Contributor] Casual Clay Cunningham

I should start by clarifying I am not an entirely new member of Team Everyview, as I still share the birth name, body, irritable bowels and discolored teeth with the Clay Cunningham who’s been writing here for nearly a year.

The change is more about my approach. The other day, Everyview’s CEO (Casual Executive Officer) Zac Pritcher told me I made my reviews “too much of an event” and if I were more casual with my writing I would “experience a treasure chest of earthly delights so vast and wondrous, the lord Jesus Christ himself couldn’t improve upon them. ” These words inspired me in such a way I am proud to announce they gave me a full-blown personality transformation.

So no more stiff, uptight reviews, from here on out it’s all casual. It’s off with the three-piece business suit, on with the ten-year- old Chicago Bears sweatpants which have faded so much they are virtually transparent. Hopefully by this time tomorrow, the treasure chest Zac mentioned will be pried open, and I will be erotically bathing myself with all the treats within.

Well, it’s off to bed. It’s in my sleeping arraignments I will take the inaugural steps towards this new casual themed lifestyle, the specific changes of which I have illustrated in the mathematical equation below:

MASTURBATION >     PANIC ATTACKS

That’s all for now. I hope you, our beloved readers, and I have begun a wonderful journey together.

Sincerely,
“Casuous” (worst pun ever) Clay Cunningham

One thought on “[New Contributor] Casual Clay Cunningham


  1. Hey! I know those sweatpants. I once had the “pleasure” of wearing them out in public for some reason when I only had shorts or something. I can’t really remember. I felt classy though.

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