[Tech News] The Auto-Tuner

bigasschainSince the dawn of time, man has had music. With this music came the frustrating and foreign idea of “pitch,” with asserts that the music you make should sound a certain way. This notion has stunted the common non-talented man’s creativity for too long. That is why we came up with the auto-tuner, a small computer chip that is installed into one’s throat. This little marvel of technology gives the singer/cyborg the illusion of “knowing what the hell they’re doing when it comes to singing.”

You’re probably asking yourself, “Why don’t they just leave singing to people who know what they’re doing?”

I’ll tell you why. Because that’s the kind of backwards thinking that America knows exactly how to avoid. Was it not the Wright brothers who proposed that maybe flying isn’t just for birds? Was it not Ludacris, the great emcee from da dirty souf, who had the idea of hanging a midget from his necklace, proving to the world that it’s not just jewelry that can hang from chains?

It is those great American visionaries that have propelled America to the forefront of technological breakthroughs, and those great minds live on in the heads of our coveted rappers. T-Pain, Lil Wayne, T-Wayne, Kanye, and that fat guy from Nickelodeon. All pioneers in the art of auto-tune. All strong, independent breakthrough artists/cyborgs.

With this magical little device, our days of segregation between people with talent and people without it can finally come to a close. I ask you, the Everyview reader, to embrace this movement forward. Forward in the advancement of music, of technology, of ourselves.

And big ass chains.

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