Review: Colgate Wisps

colgatewispOverview:

Bad breath happens to everyone. It can come from a can of coffee, a cigarette, or a meal composed entirely of onions, garlic and milk. Unfortunately for most people, the stinkiest, most foul occurrences of bad breath happen away from the sanctity of your toothbrush. And how are you going to approach the popular kids at school or ask your boss for a well-earned bonus when your breath smells like the sweat of a chinese child laborer?

That’s why the engineers at Colgate whipped up their newest product, the Wisp. These little breath savers are miniature, portable tooth brushes implanted with a blue flavor bead full of ultra powerful minty liquid that is sure to leave your breath smelling super clean as well as a tooth pick on the other end to reach in between the gums and grab that parsley or popcorn kernel right out of its little hiding place.

At least that’s what they are supposed to do. But do they really work?

Review:

That all depends on what you want out of them. Let me explain.

Wisps are not supposed to replace your toothbrush or become an equally effective alternative. They are meant to take plaque off of your front teeth, freshen your breath, and pick out any noticeable debris that may have snuck into the dark corners of your gums. So if you are looking for that just-brushed feeling from these little tools then you are out of luck. If you just want to get the taste of soggy meathloaf out of your mouth, however, then these are just what you need.

The brush on the Wisp which is used to remove any gunk on the outside of your front teeth is a lot more stiff than I had expected and isn’t very comfortable on your gums. It does do its job, though, and works pretty well for removing the yellow slime that is ruining your otherwise gorgeous smile.

When that little blue ball begins to melt away, you will know. It’s almost like eating a Warhead made out of toothpaste. The intense minty rush hits your tongue and is very overpowering and uncomfortable for a few seconds before leaving behind a soft, clean feeling and a little more courage than before making it much easier to hit on your best friend’s girlfriend without fear of making her vomit. From your breath at least.

And prisoners absolutely love these little guys. Why carve your only toothbrush into a shank when you’ve got one already made? That little harmless-looking pointy end of the apparatus is actually quite sharp and has potential to be very deadly. Try to pick anything out of your gums, no matter how cautious you are, will likely lead to lots of blood flooding in between your teeth which is far more embarrassing and creepy than a piece of brocolli. But you’ll eventually work up a tolerance toward it as your soft gums begin to harden and scar from repeated usage.

The minty clean feeling doesn’t stay as long as you may want it to, sadly enough. It lasts about as long as a mint or piece of gum. As soon as it leaves you will notice the horrible taste that originally occupied your mouth has returned from residue still implanted in your molars and trapped between your taste buds since the Wisp is only good for cleaning your front four teeth.

Final Words:

If you are really worried about impressing someone or are just tired of retaining the taste of spoiled milk in your mouth all day then I recommend keeping a bottle of mouth wash in your car, locker, or office desk. These Wisps are an ambitious product but are ultimately little more than a gimmick, which is sad because I really had high hopes for them the first time I used them. They still manage to be a semi-useful product though.

Pros

  • Cleans your front teeth of plaque and other residue
  • Flavor bead provides minty blast of fresh breath
  • Cleverly incorporated tooth pick can clear debris from in between teeth; also a pre-made shank

Cons

  • Can’t clean anything but your front teeth
  • Flavor bead is extremely powerful, fresh feeling only lasts about half an hour
  • Tooth pick will make your gums bleed, no matter what

Score:

Overall: 7.5/10 (Good)

Freshness: 6.5/10 (While relieving at first, the minty glory is short lived)
Usefulness: 8.5/10 (Mouthwash works better, but these are far more convenient)
Value: 7.25/10 (At $1.49 for 2 it’s a hard bargain, but that’s the price you pay for convenience)
Shankability: 10/10 (Great defense against unwanted prison marriage proposals)

4 thoughts on “Review: Colgate Wisps

  1. Pingback: Weekly Recap for April 6th - 11th « Everyview


  2. I got these thinking they would be thoroughly awesome but they remind me of those little finger wipe things from a couple years back if anone knows what im talking about.

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