Review: Java Monster Russian


Coffee,  while it is a good drink, has many drawbacks which many users of the substance find irritating.  For one, it is often hot and spillage can lead to burns and other problems that can arise from handling hot fluids.  Coffee is most normally drank in a mug or thermos type container. The mugs are normally decorated with small sayings or phrases like “World’s best Dad” and other debatable facts which can lead to awkward social situations at home and in the office.

And the biggest problem is probably the brewing and mixing of the coffee, which can take considerable amounts of time which could otherwise be spent being more productive at work or spending valuable time with the family.  The scientists at the Monsters headquarters took all these problems seriously and came up with an innovative solution.  By putting coffee in a can + Energy, you have a delicious drink that you can take anywhere without all the safety hazards of regular coffee, and it gives you so much more time for productive activities!


I decided to specifically experiment with the Russian Blend, mostly because of my political beliefs.  The can is eye catching and revolutionary some would say. It is a crimson red and has gold lettering and some pretty sweet Soviet designs on it giving it a royal appearance.

I was expecting a normal coffee type taste when I had my first sip but I was surprised at how sweet of a taste it had. It was a rich flavor that was followed by a pleasant, creamy aftertaste.  It is great to drink in the morning and it makes you feel very grown up and mature, I found myself reading the newspaper before going to class (just the comics, I didn’t feel that mature).  And since there is a significant amount of calcium and potassium in the drink it is actually healthier than most other drinks! This is how our generation does coffee. This is a drink people who don’t like coffee should even try.

While on the can it states that the drink is modeled after the White Russian, an alcoholic beverage containing vodka and Kahlua with cream, but there is sadly no alcohol in the Java Monster Russian Blend.  So I decided to do an experiment to see how the drink would taste if it did have alcohol. I did this solely for the sake of science, mind you. After an entire weekend experimenting with this concoction I decided it was effing good! I can’t remember much of the weekend, it was fun though. I think. Well at least the drink was delicious.

I have tried all of the coffee flavors and the Russian wins in my opinion, though Nut Up comes in a close second.  When I drink it before class or lecture I feel a lot more focused and Monster definitely delivers on the energy part. If I had to recommend any coffee product I would recommend this over Starbucks or any other coffee energy drink on the market.

Final words:

It’s a delicious drink and if you like coffee it’s a must try.  Even if you don’t like coffee, it’s an invaluable mixer.


  • A delicious, semi healthy coffee drink
  • Carries the spirit of the Revolution
  • Makes you feel mature


  • A lot of people don’t like coffee
  • It’s only good when nice and cold
  • Almost made me too grown up
  • A lot of stores don’t have it, sadly


Overall: 7.75/10 (Above average)

Aroma: 9/10 (nice creamy smell)
8/10 (I like coffee)
7.5/10 (not as much caffeine)
6.5/10 (almost 3 bucks is rather steep)

img via

5 thoughts on “Review: Java Monster Russian

  1. Wow, Tate! You finally wrote another review!!!! Now you’re up to a whopping 2!

    And I think Mean Bean is easily the best, but that’s my opinion. And that concoction you were talking about would go really well inside my flask belt buckle!

  2. I think my favorite is the Mocha Locha or something of the sort. But I haven’t tried the Russian or the one that’s in a green can… Irish I think it is.

  3. Pingback: Review: Java Monster Irish Blend « Everyview

  4. AnyoneKnowWhereICanGetWhiteRussianMonsterDrinks…IFoundThemOneTime…Can’tFindItAnymore

Leave a Reply