Review: BAWLS Guarana

BAWLSOverview:

From the BAWLS website:

BAWLS Guarana started as the brainchild of a then college student who was looking for an alternative to coffee. As part of a class project, he came up with BAWLS – a premium, carbonated, non-alcoholic beverage made with Guarana. Named for the caffeinated ‘Bounce’ it gives you, BAWLS gets its flavor and kick from the Amazonian Guarana berry, which contains a natural form of caffeine nearly three times stronger than that found in traditional sodas.

Using the untapped potential of Guarana in the United States as a source for caffeine in soft drinks, BAWLS Guarana took off with surprising strength on November 14, 1996 in Miami, FL. People instantly fell in love with the refreshing, crisp taste of BAWLS, while being able to enjoy the rush of caffeine the drink packs.

Now on the market for nearly 12 years, BAWLS Guarana is available nationwide and its popularity continues to grow among caffeine-deprived, refreshment-seeking techies, students, professionals and athletes in need of a Bounce.

Review:

Bawls is easily my number 2 pick for my favorite energy drinks (Top 5 editorial coming soon!) for a couple of really good reasons. Taste and kick. Nothing is more satisfying to me than holding a big serving of Bawls in my hand. Watching the beads of sweat drip down my Bawls on a hot summer day. I take all of the Bawls into my mouth and savor it. Can you tell this review is going hand in hand with the Big Black Java Monster review?

All joking aside now we can get to the review. Bawls has a wonderful scent that makes your mouth water and most of your senses tingle. It’s not as satisfying as Monster, but absolutely delicious none the less.

A caffeine comparison chart

A caffeine comparison chart

The taste of Bawls is absolutely delightful as well. Nothing hits the spot as well as a nice mouthful of Bawls in the early hours of the morning. Ok, sorry. I’m really trying not to make testicle references, but it’s not working. Anyway, it really is good stuff. The taste is somewhat creamy and soft. It’s hard to explain, just go get a bottle and see for yourself.

When it comes to kick, Bawls absolutely leads the way. It even surpasses Monster, in my humble opinion, and I’ll bet that’s something you never thought I’d say. In the first sentence of this paragraph I said “comes”,”kick” and “Bawls” and just realized it was funny, lol. Anyway, Bawls is more than capable of putting a bounce in your step for well over 3 hours after consumption.

The only real drawback to Bawls is that it’s just too damn expensive. A 10oz bottle, while it looks cool, is gonna run you about $1.99, and the 16oz cans are about $2.50. If you’re willing to do some looking, though, you’ll be able to find it cheaper every once in a while, but not that often.

Final Words:

My apologies for all the nut references in this review. It won’t happen next time I review a Bawls product, I promise. I’m just way too gay to pass it up. I mean immature. Whatever.

The truth is, BAWLS was named after the bounce it gives you. At least that’s what the site claims. I don’t believe it, though.

Pros:

  • Delicious taste
  • Wonderful aroma
  • Sufficient kick
  • It’s called Bawls

Cons:

  • Too expensive
  • It’s called Bawls

Score:

Overall: 9.0/10 (Outstanding)
Aroma:
9.0/10 (Delicious)
Taste: 9.25/10 (Ahhh, refreshing)
Kick: 9.5/10 (The best kick I’ve ever had, even better than Monster)
Value: 8.25/10 (While expensive, it’s damn worth it. And it’s one of the only energy drinks that allows for such liberal testicular comedy amongst immature douche bags such as myself)

Caffeine Comparison Chart via

9 thoughts on “Review: BAWLS Guarana


  1. Hahaha. I’ve never had one. I looked up the store locator to see if there are any vendors where I live and I’m in luck. Looks like I’m having one for lunch!!!

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  3. i’d like to meet the parents of this dood and give them a big high five!! cuz they birthed a genius!! 🙂

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