Review: Monster Assault

Overview:

Monster Assault has been on store shelves for about as long as the original green drug has been available to consumers, and has almost as many dedicated addicts, or fans, as does it’s parent drink. If you like original Monster, you will most likely also enjoy Assault, as it modifies the distinct Monster Energy taste by adding what seems to be ginger. Maybe. I’m really not sure what it is, but it’s good to say the least.

Straight from the can: “At Monster we don’t get too hung up on politics. We’re not for “the War”, against “the War”, or any war for that matter.

We put the “camo” pattern on our new Monster Assault can because we think it looks cool. Plus it helps fire us up to fight the big multi-national companies who dominate the beverage business.

We’ll leave the politics to the politicians and keep doing what we do best — making the meanest energy supplements on the planet.

Declare war on the ordinary! Grab a Monster Assault and VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

Wow, whoever wrote that obviously has an extreme case of A.D.D. I mean, they were all over the place. That, and they’re a liar. They aren’t for the war but they want to fight so they tell us to declare war. Or something. I quit paying attention pretty quick. I have an attention problem anyway. Does anyone have a bike?

Review:

Monster Assault has an extremely smooth, refreshing fruity-ginger taste as long as it’s cold. I grabbed one right off the shelf one time and tried to down it like I normally would, but I found it to be like trying to drink cough syrup mixed with moose blood. Man, it was horrible. The chill really helps to lighten the flavor and keeps the drink going down smooth.

Monster Assault smells like the original with berries or something. Man, I really have no idea what they put in this stuff to give it this distinct flavor. I’m betting on ginger, but I’m not 100%. Someone needs to Wiki it for me. I’m too damn lazy.

The drink comes in the standard 2-serving can for the standard cost of $1.99 which makes it a standard deal. Oh! But lookout for some gas stations that think they are sneaky. I’ve noticed several here in Terre Haute that try to charge $1.99 for the single serving can, $2.49 for the 16 oz standard size and $2.99 for a triple serve mega. It’s ridiculous! I wouldn’t spend any more than standard rates on this drink. If you find yourself at a greedy retailer just grab something else. These aren’t really worth any more than average.

Last but not least we talk about the kick. Probably the most important aspect of any energy drink followed by taste. That signature Monster formula is in full effect here and delivers the same kick as most of Monster’s other products.

Final Words:

Pros:

  • Wonderfully unique taste
  • Deliciously sweet scent
  • Standard value
  • Awesome Monster kick

Cons:

  • Isn’t as good as the original
  • Tastes like warm, coagulated Mexican feces if it isn’t cold

Score:

8.0/10
Taste: 8/10 (Very unique flavor. No idea what it is)
Aroma: 7.5/10 (Very aromatic)
Value: 7/10 (Average)
Kick: 8/10 (Monster kick)
Anyone here want some chili?: A.D.D./10

4 thoughts on “Review: Monster Assault


  1. This was my first monster product ever. I really want to go pick one up after reading this now.


  2. Haha, “does anyone here have a bike?” That made me lol. I’m not a fan of this personally but its an alright drink. I’d give it a 6.5 or 7 at best. Have you had a hitman yet? I can’t find them anywhere.


  3. No I’ve never had the hitman, though I’ve always wanted one. I can’t find them anywhere near where I live. Anyone got any suggestions on where to find the hitman shots?


  4. I absolutly love the assault drink. The regular is fine…but since i had the assault thats the one i always look for. I have a question to everyone here…has the assault been discontiuned or something? i cant find it anywhere:P

Leave a Reply