Review: Mean Bean Java Monster

Mean Bean Java Monster

Mean Bean Java Monster

Not too long ago I reviewed the Mega size of my long-time favorite drink, Monster Energy. The Mega Monster energy supplement scored a 9.0/10 overall giving it (at the time of this writing) the highest review score on this site. Well Monster recently released a line of coffee based drinks called Java Monster to compete directly with Starbucks Frappuccinos.

How does the Java Monster compete with the current king of cold coffees? Let’s find out.


Directly from the can:

“It’s time to get out of line and step up to what’s next.

Java Monster, premium coffee and cream, brewed up with killer flavor, supercharged with monster energy-blend.

Coffee done the right way, wide open, with a take no prisoners attitude and the experience and know how to back it up.

Java Monster… half the caffeine of regular coffee, Twice the Buzz!”


Just as stated on the can, there is half the caffeine in the Java Monster as there is in regular coffee. This may be healthier, but if you are drinking an energy drink first thing in the morning you don’t care about health.  You just want your fix and kick. This fact is mildly forgivable, however, when considering how much better this stuff tastes than a hot mug of joe. Oh, and there is no chance that you will scold your manhood and family jewels when drinking a cold can of Mean Bean. That’s a plus.

The smooth, sugary texture tastes great on your morning car ride to work or school, or wherever it is you go in the morning. It has an intoxicating aroma that helps you get your day started with a smile. The only other thing about this drink that earns it some negative points is the cost. One standard sized can of Monster’s coffee drink will run you close to the same as a ginormous can of Mega Monster, but if you’re desperate for a delicious cold coffee to go with your plate of biscuits and gravy then there aren’t many other options for a cheaper price.

Final Words:

It’s a fairly solid product with a great taste but a lacking kick and steep cost. I drink one whenever I get the chance, but it isn’t as widely available as it should be. It’s not impossible to find so pick one up if you see one and haven’t tried it yet.


Taste: 8/10 (Smooth, creamy, sweet coffee flavor is prefect in the morning)
Aroma: 7.5/10 (Light and aromatic)
Kick: 6/10 (Lacking compared to regular coffee, but gets you through the morning)
Value: 6/10 (Average cost of cold coffee, which is a little too much)
Crotch Safety: 10/10 (Cold coffee doesn’t burn. Hot coffee does. Oh, god, it burns)

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