Monthly Archives: October 2008

So I’m Trying to Learn Russian…

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After about a week solid of using a heavily convincing Russian accent at work and pissing off my lovely girlfriend to no end, I’ve decided I want to actually learn how to speak the language. I looked up “how to speak Russian” on Google and found a nice little site with some exercises, rules for pronunciation, and the alphabet. Yeah forget that. I looked at the alphabet, with all it’s backward 3’s, W looking things, 6’s and reversed N’s and I’ve decided it’s impossible. I don’t even think Russians speak Russian. They probably just drink lots of vodka and make random noises which people assume is foreign, but they are just trying to speak English through their drunken beards.

I think I still might try, though. It’s just gonna take 13 years to figure out that damn alphabet. Once I get it down, though, you’ll all be jealous because I’m gonna get to hook up with hot Russian chicks like this fine lady:

Oh wait… that’s just a fat kid!

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Caught in the Headlights at Bogey’s

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Caught in the Headlights is a great upsart local metal band fronted by Alex Reid and backed by guitarists Kevin Doti and Austin Horsley, bassist Mitch Cartwright and drummer Pepy Maloba. I was commissioned to record their performance at Bogey’s Family Fun Center last Friday and came away with what I felt was a surprisingly satisfying performance from these fine young gentlemen.

Here they are performing a cover of Entombment of the Machine by Job for a Cowboy:

The most surprising element of the bands performance was hands down Reid’s aggressive vocals. If you listen to him talk after the songs you would never think he would be capable of spitting out such demonic growls and sick pig squeals. The rest of the band was also able to pull off their cover with ease showing their dedication to learning material they know fans want. But what about original songs? Here they are playing their own property, Run Away:

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Scheduled Updates for Week of Oct. 26

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There were a couple of things I didn’t get to last week, mainly because my planning is overly ambitious. I always plan way too much and then can’t get it to you. I did get that Triple Steak review to you guys, though it was technically this week. Whatever.

This stuff should be coming to you this week:

  • Venom Energy review
  • Motley Crue Saints of Los Angeles review
  • My first entry into the PackRat Paragraphs (finally! sorry about that)
  • BlackBerry Curve review
  • Caught in the Headlights coverage of their Bogeys show (videos)
  • First video review (might be up tonight)
  • Whatever Patrick and Tate decide to post (we’ll start collaborating on this next week.)
  • Some random news.

Hopefully I’ll be able to finish all this for you guys. And as always, if you have any ideas for reviews or news then hit me up at zacpritcher@gmail.com or just leave it here. Keep reading Everyview!

Review: Triple Steak Burrito

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Overview:

The triple steak burrito is a giant tortilla filled with three servings of perfectly seasoned, marinated steak with a covering of rice and cheese rolled to sloppy perfection. With three servings of steak there is no way this thing can be good for you. In fact, I would not recommend to people with heart problems or pregnant women, due to the fact that it could easily kill you or cause a miscarriage, respectively. That’s how delicious it is.

This is Taco Bell’s newest addition to their menu since the Volcano Taco, and it’s left me once again saying “Yo Quiero Taco Bell.”

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I got a Blackberry Curve!

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Well I finally updated my ugly, outdated BlackBerry 7100 series to the BlackBerry Curve and I couldn’t be more happy with it. The phone was $99.99 with a $100 dollar rebate, which isn’t too expensive for a smartphone, but I only had 83 bucks. After asking all of my friends for $125 I ended up swallowing my pride and asked my parents for some cash. They reluctantly forked over a check for the phone, took all my money, and made me agree to pay them $50 for the next two weeks. So I’m totally broke, but I don’t mind. I love this phone.

My Baby!

You can look forward to an in-depth review of the BlackBerry Curve in the coming weeks. I want to make sure I can experience every aspect of the phone before I tell you guys what I think of it. But I’ll tell you this right now. I love it.

Review: Monster Assault

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Overview:

Monster Assault has been on store shelves for about as long as the original green drug has been available to consumers, and has almost as many dedicated addicts, or fans, as does it’s parent drink. If you like original Monster, you will most likely also enjoy Assault, as it modifies the distinct Monster Energy taste by adding what seems to be ginger. Maybe. I’m really not sure what it is, but it’s good to say the least.

Straight from the can: “At Monster we don’t get too hung up on politics. We’re not for “the War”, against “the War”, or any war for that matter.

We put the “camo” pattern on our new Monster Assault can because we think it looks cool. Plus it helps fire us up to fight the big multi-national companies who dominate the beverage business.

We’ll leave the politics to the politicians and keep doing what we do best — making the meanest energy supplements on the planet.

Declare war on the ordinary! Grab a Monster Assault and VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”

Wow, whoever wrote that obviously has an extreme case of A.D.D. I mean, they were all over the place. That, and they’re a liar. They aren’t for the war but they want to fight so they tell us to declare war. Or something. I quit paying attention pretty quick. I have an attention problem anyway. Does anyone have a bike?

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Review: Hicks

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Just to let you know, this definitely isn’t a rant.

There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Smart people, idiots, and people who don’t have full control over their bowels. Hicks fit into those latter two categories almost perfectly, except, their bowels usually come out of their toothless mouths instead of their ass holes. That’s another perfect word for hicks. Ass holes. Not because they are dicks, but because that’s almost exactly what they smell like. So basically what I’ve said so far is that hicks are semi-autistic ass holes who can’t keep their shit to themselves.

Nothing pisses me off more than a fucking retard who plasters his car with rebel flag stickers and fake bullet holes. Seriously. I just talked to some moron who told me he had 150 feet of rope in the back of his car. When I asked him why he told me it was because there were some pretty tall trees where he lives. No joke. What kind of retarded-ass cock sucker says that shit? This kind:

I had to censor his face because it looked too much like an ass.

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Leprechaun in Alabama?

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Before my anticipated review on Far Cry 2, a couple of my friends showed me a video from YouTube. Some citizens in Mobile, Alabama believe to have seen a Leprechaun. As outlandish as this seems you will just have to make your own opinion from the video. As far as I am concerned this looks like a plea for help from people without much to do. While watching the video keep your eyes peeled for the amateur sketch and the magic flute.