It looks like wood, but is actually made of metal.
Score: 3/10 (Deceiving, yet functional as a chair)
Now before we go into this review I need to ask you something. Are you a man? By the off chance that you, the reader, are a female then I ask you this; are you a man? If you’re a guy, chances are you’re not very manly, unless you’ve heard of Amon Amarth. Now there will be those of you that cry out “[Insert metal band] is sooo much more manly” but I am here to tell you YOU ARE WRONG! WRONG!
Amon Amarth, if you didn’t already know, is a Swedish melodic death metal band. Now these aren’t some lame excuse for a death metal band that prances around looking fashionable, these guys are big, burly, angry Swedes, not a combo that you think of much. Here’s the best part, all of their music is Viking themed. Now don’t go thinking Manowar, a bunch of airbrushed asshats standing around some maiden. Think Vikings. Big, nasty hair-having, fur-wearing, axe and sword singing, village burning vikings. If you weren’t aware, vikings have two goals in life: kill your family, and burn your village to the ground, both they do with a smile that would make the grinch look angry.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, on to the review.
Ahh, Hoosier metal. There tend to be two kinds of metal that lurks in the corners and cracks of Terre Haute. The first is the thoroughly pathetic kind. Bands composed of 14 year old kids with a passion for Atreyu, kids that smoke their parents’ cigarettes and swipe their grandma’s Nitroglycerin because they think all pills are cool. And their music sucks, too.
The second kind is legit. These bands take inspiration from multiple sources, combine the best aspects of all, and make you want to punch your parents, eat their cigarettes, poison your grandma, steal her Nitro, and sell it to the pathetic metal posers for money to buy razor blades to put inside pies a good Christian family donated to the old people’s home.
Yeah, Death Partizan is legit.
For years I have been billing Texas rock band …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, as “the best band that nobody but me listens to.” Luckily, there were hundreds of supporters as avid as I who convened on Logan Square Auditorium in Chicago Friday night for a stop on the bands tour to support their new album “The Century of Self,” creating another remarkably memorable concert experience I have drawn from this tragically under appreciated band.