[Energy Drink Review] AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink

Here’s a portion of a review for AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink:

After popping the tab and leaning in for a whiff, I was taken completely aback by the disgusting aroma I had discovered. Tuna!? It smelled like fucking tuna! I don’t think I’ve ever ran into an aroma less appealing than this; the disgusting fishy smell of a nearly dead prostitute’s swollen, disease-ridden mound pulsing out a creamy puss-like substance from her bloodied and thoroughly gnarled snatch. I can almost imagine the greasy, wiry hairs now. Ugh. This smells awful. I even poured it out into a cup, thinking that maybe there was just some canned fish juice that had spilled out onto it. Nope, it smells like tuna. Absolutely disgusting.

Be sure to read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com

[Drink Review] Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea (Fifty Things I’d Rather Do Than Drink This Stuff Ever Again)

Black Jack’s Calypso Green Tea is one of, if not the worst thing I’ve ever drank. So, instead of writing a review and discussing the different attributes of the product as I normally would, I’ve decided to make a list of Fifty things I would rather do than drink this stuff ever again.

  1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
  2. Share the corpse with my dog
  3. Kill my dog
  4. Eat my dead dog
  5. Get raped
  6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
  7. Get raped by my own mother
  8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
  9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
  10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole Continue reading