[Food Review] Smart Ones Mini Cheeseburgers

Here’s a portion of Casual Clay’s review from our sister site Does it Hit the Spot:

I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, a low fat cheeseburger you cook in the microwave? Even though I will no doubt break both my legs on the never ending puddle of saliva which will flow from my mouth at the mere thought of these, I will crawl on my belly through any terrain long before I even contemplate the idea of seeking medical attention!”

And I must admit this uber-sarcastic school of thought had me cursing myself the second I stepped out of the grocery store with a box of these in hand. But while I was initially excited about writing another one of my angry, cynical rants about bad food, to my surprise, this new entry from Smart Ones really isn’t deserving of my scorn.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] Subway’s Buffalo Chicken Fiery Footlong

Here’s a portion of a review on Does It Hit The Spot:

First I want to complain about the guy who made my sandwich. His name was Tony. Tony was new. Tony was very nice. Way too nice. Tony was so nice, he was completely obnoxious. Everything Tony said made me want to punch him in the balls with a knife. Tony had a loose bandage on the back of his neck, one that swayed and flapped in the breeze of the building’s air conditioning unit, spreading a wave of HIV with every flutter. At least Tony smiled, but Tony also had a habit of spitting when he attempted to pronounce certain words. Words like sorry, spit, and sandwich. I forgive you, Tony, for spitting on my sandwich.

Anyway, I got my Buffalo Chicken with Italian Herbs and Cheese bread, provolone cheese, heated instead of toasted, and topped with lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onions, and ranch dressing. As is usually the case, the toppings were all fresh, the lettuce and cucumber were crispy, and the onions were crunchy.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] Oreo Brownie

When asked what their favorite part of the Oreo is, 99.95% of the Earth’s population will say the cream, while the other .05% are nay-saying bastards who claim they prefer the chocolate just for the sake of being unbearable douchebags who naysay for no better reason than making everyone listen to how “opinionated” they are.

Knowing this, it seems puzzling to me that the people at Oreo would set out to appease these idiots, as the brownie is much too chocolaty for its own good. There are small sections of cream spread throughout the surface, but it’s hardly noticeable. In fact, if for some bizarre reason I had decided to eat blindfolded, I am relatively certain I wouldn’t have been able to detect any cream at all.

Read the full review on Does It Hit The Spot!

[Restaurant Review] Kringle’s Kafe’

If you were to guess what type of eatery Kringle’s was, chances are you’d assume they offered some type of seasonal meal options like honey ham, yams, green beans, fruit cake, and maybe even some type of pie. I mean, what else would you expect from a restaurant with such a vibrant Christmas theme?

Once you’re inside the illusion of a jolly winter holiday theme is pumped to the max, with seasonal decorations and paintings all over the place. There is even a giant tyrannical statue of Santa Claus himself, watching out over the dining room making sure all of the kids on his turf are behaving themselves, menacingly silent but always ready to pounce on his first unsuspecting victim.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

[Restaurant Review] Schoop’s Hamburgers

I recently took a trip up to Michigan City with my lovely girlfriend Kimberlee Boland, and the first thing we did when we got to our crummy, disgusting, poorly lit, stiff-bedded, crappy showered, slightly stinky but extremely-cheap-so-it’s-to-be-expected hotel was worry about lunch. Right down the street from our Inn was a place called Schoop’s, and a burger sounded really, really good.

Upon walking into the diner-style building, we were struck with a vintage atmosphere. Posters and pictures of Shirley Temple and Elvis Presley, among other old time celebrities and culture icons, were plastered along the walls, antique car memorabilia was all over the place, and plenty of bubbly teenage waitresses were on hand. The red color scheme and old time rock and roll completed the illusion, bringing everything together into a charming little package.

Read the full review at Does It Hit The Spot!

[Food Review] Burger King’s Whiplash Whopper

So it seems The King has joined forces with Iron Man to create a super duper promotional burger to push the Man of Metal’s highly anticipated new film, “Iron Man 2,” which I am effing sick of hearing about. Am I excited for the movie? Yes. How could I not be? Just looking at the cast roster for the film, which is loaded with at least one of every type of Hollywood badass out there, gets me pumped.

Do I want to see advertisements for this film every time I opening my eyes? Absolutely not. I already know it exists, and I already plan on seeing it whenever it is convenient for me to do so. Leave me alone, Iron Man 2, I’m tired of you hogging my magazines, movie previews, commercials and now my fast food menus. What’s next? Promotional free Iron Man 2 tattoos at select parlors?

Come to think of it, that would be sweet. Continue reading

Get Yourself a Chicken Samwich and Some WiFi… FOR FREE

And maybe a Dr. Pepper to drink.

To clarify, only the WiFi is free. You’ll still have to pay for your chicken samwich. Anyway, people across the U.S can now officially take their large number (insert favored combo meal number here) with a large side of Wi-fi when they visit the nearest McDonald’s! Some of us may or may not have been familiar with the fast food titan’s surly charge of around three dollars for a two hour pass to the store’s wireless internet connection. Well my brothers and sisters I am here today to tell you that it is no longer so!

We have come one step closer to reaching the promise land in free internet.  Just under 12,000 wireless capable restaurants, means I’ll be spending less time at those dim lit hipster nests that we know as coffee shops and more time at the grease stained, heart destroying golden arches! Though the stores that never had wi-fi to begin with will not be gaining acces, the multitude of branches with the newly liberated Wi-Fi is still more than enough.


[Food Review] Doritos Late Night: All Nighter Cheeseburger

The Doritos Late Night line of snacks has found massive success almost entirely by word of mouth. And how could it not? I mean, in a market saturated with purely artificially flavored chips that taste kind of like the name on the bag suggests, it’s nice to be able to snack on something that actually tastes like Tacos or Jalapeno Poppers. I still remember my first bag of Tacos at Midnight. It lasted about 3.2 minutes.

The first new flavor since the now legendary line of chips launched has finally arrived in the form of All Nighter Cheeseburger. Trust me, if you love cheeseburgers, you will love these chips. Continue reading

[Food Review] Chocolate Cheerios

The Cheerios family of cereals just won’t quit growing. Different flavors and variations of Cheerios have been continuously introduced since way back in 1979 and has hit flavors ranging from the long time favorite Honey Nut Cheerios to the less popular flavors like Berry Burst. For whatever reason though, Cheerios never thought to release a chocolate flavor, which is easily the most obvious breakfast cereal flavor. Until now.

Likely inspired by the success of 2008’s Banana Nut Cheerios, brand new Chocolate Cheerios attempt to satisfy the sweet tooth of chocoholics everywhere while simultaneously helping them lower their cholesterol and get some extra whole grain into their diets. Chocolate Cheerios took about 30 years longer to come out than it should have, but it’s finally here and I’m finally going to eat it.

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[Food Review] Pepe’s Duros De Harina Puffed Wheat Snacks (Sabor a Chile y Limon)

I took some Spanish in high school, a fact that might lead you to think that I know something about the language, but don’t be fooled. I only know the very basics. I can count to ten, ask where the bathroom is, get in trouble for sexual harassment,  order a cheeseburger and french fries, insult a fat dog’s Grandmother, and ask for a swine flu vaccine.

You can try to argue with me and tell me that is useless knowledge, but as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing else you need to know when visiting Mexico.

At least that’s what I thought until I got my hands on a bag of the (deep breath) Sabor a Chile y Limon flavor of Pepe’s El Original Duros de Harina Puffed Wheat Snacks. Trust me on this, these things are mucho delicious.

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