[Food Review] Prepared Squid Jerky (Hot)

Squid Jerky

Yes. Prepared Squid Jerky. Shredded, dried, put into a package, and sold at the Asian Market.

What’s that? You think that sounds gross? If you think itsounds gross, you should smell it.

Wel-Pac Prepared Squid Jerky smells like spicy, old fish. Or a sweaty, unwashed, well-sexed prostitute snatch. And by snatch I mean vagina. And by vagina I mean ham wallet. And by ham wallet I mean vagina.

What’s that? You think that sounds like it smells gross? Then you should taste it.

Wel-Pac Prepared Squid Jerky has the stringy, stale texture of a dead girl’s hair. It is chewy like a water balloon. It is dry until you grind it between your teeth, at which point it seems to explode with fishy juices. Of course that’s just your saliva mixing with the powerful flavor of dried, prepared squid. Certain pieces pop in your mouth. I don’t know why… I don’t want to know why. The “hot” flavor is a mix of sweet, musk, salt and spice, which creates a really awkward, some say sickening blend of flavors on your palate.

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[Food Review] Cinnabon Breakfast Cereal

Cinnamon Rolls and cereal seem to come at polar opposite ends of the breakfast spectrum. When one finds time to eat cinnamon rolls, a good day is more than likely on the horizon, while a bowl of cereal generally indicates you’ll once again be subjected to texting your mom to let her know you got to work safely, even though you’re 26 and only commute 15 minutes.

Well, perhaps in an attempt to create some middle ground, the people at Cinnabon have molded the two sides together with a new, multi-grain cereal creation, and in a way they succeeded. If cinnamon rolls are ecstasy and cereal is agony, than middle ground would have to be apathy, which is exactly what I felt after two bowls of this stuff.

One area of success for the Cinnabon cereal is that when you open the box, you are greeted with a fairly accurate Cinnabon smell which is, of course, rather nice. It doesn’t have to sharp, hobo-lifting aroma (look it up, dammit. I’m tired of having to explain all my references) one gets when taking a hot tray from the oven but it’s pretty close for a cold cereal.

But I’m afraid from that point on, the experience becomes a bit lackluster. On early bites it has sort of a stronger and less enjoyable Cinnamon Toast Crunch taste that disappears rather quickly. Once given the opportunity to soak, you aren’t left with much of anything in the taste department.

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[Restaurant Review] Stockholders


I’m back with another review to dish out.

My mother’s birthday was this week so as tradition in our family we dine out that night. My family is quite a picky bunch of eaters, my sister and dad are happy with simpler food or a steak but no seafood, my grandmother has to have seafood that is soft enough for her to eat, and my mother can be a tad selective as well. This time we decided to try out a new restaurant in Weymouth, Massachusetts.

Stockholders is a seafood and chophouse that has a price range between $13 – $25 per entrée. The exterior of the restaurant is the first thing you’ll notice if you park in the back lot. The overwhelmingly delicious smell of burning oak wood pours into the street. The interior was nice. It included two giant crystal fish tanks, Wall Sreet themed wall decoration and neutral colors on the floors and walls.

Read the rest of David’s review!

[Food Review] Oreo Cookie Sticks ‘n Creme Dip

Oreo Cookie Sticks n CremeHere’s a portion of a review posted on our sister site Does it Hit the Spot:

As for the taste, it’s basically what you’d expect it to be, which is to say the more you enjoy Oreo’s, the more likely you are to enjoy this product. Aside from the creme being runnier and less compacted that what you get with the cookies, the taste is virtually the same.

One problem I did have was that I didn’t find the product to be very texturally sound. Having gone through two of the six packages, I had one of the cookies break off on two separate occasions. I don’t know if this complaint really holds much ground as obviously it’s better for them to be too soft than too hard, but when it’s broken into sections, it makes the creme more difficult to proportionately spread and I am certainly anal retentive enough to find this bothersome.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

[Food Review] Taco Bell’s XXL Chalupa

Here’s a portion from a review posted on our sister site, Does it Hit the Spot?:

Taco Bell has done it many times before. If the powers that be can’t think of an entirely new product that uses the same handful of readily available ingredients and give a ridiculous made up name, like Tortada, then they’ll settle for the next best thing: take an old favorite, and make it bigger.

But how do they do it? How do they take something small, and make it big? Well, for any fan of great American Cinema, the answer is quite simple. In the critically acclaimed 1997 classic film Good Burger, the demented manager of Mondo Burger uses an illegal chemical known as Triampathol to super size his meat patties. Now, the director chose never to reveal exactly why Triampathol was made illegal, and I’m not even sure I want to know.

The point is, Taco Bell is obviously doing something to our food to make it bigger. All we need now is a few local psued0-Mex restaurant employees dedicated enough to breach the chain’s security and discover their secret and embark on a ridiculously epic quest to put their hole-in-the-wall back on top.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] Wheat Thins Stix: Honey Wheat

Here’s a portion of David Roshinski’s review of the Honey Wheat flavor of Wheat Thins Stix on Does it Hit the Spot?:

A marketing agency working with the Nabisco Wheat Thins brand contacted me through email about taste testing their new product Wheat Thin Stix. The new product boasts a new shape of packing for easy sharing and a new shape compared to the usual flat squares.

That package looks different! What is up with that?

Looking at the new packaging there are three triangles in the front and back that push out the sides making quick snacking a little easier. The sides of the boxes have a division in the middle which could make an octagon out of the box, but all fail to properly push out at the same time. The additional bends in the box also make it a little more vulnerable to crushing on the go. Do I like the new shape? Yes. Do I think it’s perfect? No.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars

Here’s a portion of a review from Does it Hit the Spot?:

I’m way too fat for the bike that I currently ride. It’s an early 1990s Schwinn Le Tour that my step dad once used for racing in triathlons. Yeah, triathlons. As in three athlons. Under any normal circumstances, I would have never even thought of riding a bike like that. In fact, the only reason I have it now is because I found it in my shed, where it has been sitting for the past 15 years. When we found it, mice had completely devoured the padding on the seat, the tires were flat and the rims were a bit bent from sitting in a single spot for so long.

Since finding it, I’ve had it serviced, replaced the seat, trued the rims and put a decent amount of mileage on it. I love it. It’s super light and goes really fast, though I could complain about the lack of comfort one experiences while riding it. If I cared that much, though, I would just ride my 2010 Schwinn City Series, which is probably the most comfortable cruising bike ever made. I do ride it from time to time, but I’ve become accustomed to the insane amounts of speed made possible by this road bike.

What does this have to do with the new 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars? Absolutely nothing.

Be sure to read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Food Review] Chicken Flatbread Sandwich from Taco Bell

Here’s a portion of a review from our sister site, Does it Hit the Spot?:

I could use this review to complain about Taco Bell’s relative inability to use new ingredients. I could gripe about how every menu item has at least two others that are exactly like it, with the exception of sour cream here or beans there. But I’m not going to. Everyone knows that Taco Bell squeezes its stagnant list of condiments and fillers to get the most possible items without spending extra cash on new resources to bring in new ingredients to make truly standout food items. And does anyone really care?

No. You go to Taco Bell, order one of the same four or five menu items that you always have, gobble it up and are immediately satisfied. Every once and a while you’ll stray, possibly finding a new regular meal, but there are always those good ol’ Chalupas or Quesadillas that you’ve always loved. You feel comfortable gripping them in your hand, and that comfort is surpassed only by the familiar flavor; one that you’ve grown accustomed to and would hate to see change.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

Ragin’ Cajun and Tangy Ranch Cheetos Review

cheetos reviewHere’s a portion of a review for Ragin’ Cajun and Tangy Ranch Mighty Zingers Cheetos:

Throwing two different flavors into a single bag and calling it a day is certainly nothing new, as Doritos has been doing it forever with their Collisions line of chips. For Cheetos however, the idea of any flavor of snack crisp other than cheese or some variable of it seems ludicrous. That’s why New Cheetos Mighty Zingers caught my eye when they first came out some number of months ago. Sadly, they’ve been sitting in my locker at work ever since.

Luckily for you guys, I found them today (along with probably three other bags of chips, a box of cereal, some instant oatmeal, a bottle of honey, and a pair of women’s panties) and decided it was high time to give them a review. I really wish I could think of some clever joke to tell you right now, and throw a prominent “ZING!!!” onto the end of it, but unfortunately all I’ve got is a knock knock joke. Want to hear it? Read on, hungry reader.


Knock knock

I eat mop

EWWW!!! That’s gross! I can’t believe you eat your own poo!


Pretty good, huh?

Read the full review over at Does it Hit the Spot?.

[Restaurant Review] King Gyro’s of Terre Haute, IN

Here’s a portion of a review on Does It Hit The Spot:

The most important aspect of any restaurant is its food, and in that aspect King Gyro’s performs phenomenally. The first thing you’ll notice while looking at the menu is the great amount of selection and diversity, ranging from burgers to fish to Italian beef  to BBQ chicken to poor boy to chicken nuggets to tenderloins to sausage to gyros, and the list goes on. If you’re a human being with a stomach, there is something on this menu for you.

Aside from having great selection, King Gyro’s food is absolutely delicious. I’ve been numerous times in the past couple of weeks, sampling something different each time I go, and everything I’ve tasted is just plain awesome. Easily the most delectable menu item is their gyro, which is such a fantastically amazing sandwich that I’m having trouble putting into words how phenomenally delicious it is. Inside of a gyro, you’ll find a very generous portion of their fantastic gyro meat, which is tender and flavorful, topped with fresh tomatoes, onions, and a cool sour cream cucumber sauce, and it’s all wrapped in a delicious piece of pita bread. Everything about it is just to die for. I went there with my girlfriend Kim, who is a vegetarian, and they even went out of their way to make her a vegetarian-style gyro that she says was delicious.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!