[Food Review] Burger King’s Ciabatta Breakfast Club

How long has Burger King had breakfast?

As long as I can consciously remember. I’m sure if I dug deep enough into my suppressed memory I would be able to find a time that the King didn’t offer as much saturated fat as Roseanne Barr’s left thigh in the morning hours, but doing so is dangerous. Who knows what else I might find while digging through the purposefully forgotten banks of my memories? Forgotten stories of Uncle Chuck’s “games”? Concealed memories of my infant brother Todd, whom in a fit of jealous range I suffocated and ate, only to have my parents convince me it was just a dream so I could grow up and continue to function?

Nah, none of that stuff ever happened to me. But I feel bad for the sorry sonofabitch who just remembered losing his virginity to the football team when he was only seven years old.


Wait what was my point? Oh yeah! Have you seen those awful new commercials of BK promoting their “New” breakfast menu? If not, good for you. I don’t understand it. BK has had breakfast for a really long time, why are they promoting it like it’s something wholly new just because they added like five new items and switched their coffee brand?

Read the rest of this review.

[Food Review] Wendy’s Spicy Chicken Nuggets (UPDATED)

Wendy’s has the absolute best chicken nuggets around, no questions asked. And now, here recently, a new form of that unparalleled nugget has been introduced to a market starved for new flavors of processed chicken to dip into their Chocolate Frosties. And what better way to serve up a new variation of a classic nugget than by making it spicy?

I’m not going to lie, I was very excited to try these. As I’ve already made quite obvious, I love Wendy’s nuggets. I also love spicy foods, especially spicy chicken. However delicious my dreams of these warm little chicken nuggets were, the real life things are nothing short of a disappointment. Continue reading

[Food Review] Hardee’s Monster Biscuit

hardees-monster-biscuitThe food world is full of choices. White or wheat, rare or well-done, medium or large, regular fries or curly, single or double, hash browns or home fries, etc. The list goes on for what seems like forever and, quite frankly, it is overwhelming! But of all of the panic and pressure caused by any choice I’ve ever had to make at a restaurant, nothing has been as difficult to overcome as “ham, sausage, or bacon?”

Hardee’s understands me. They know me. They get who I am. They understand that making such a decision borders on impossible for some people, and they have a solution. The Monster Biscuit: ham, sausage, egg, and bacon all shoved into a single breakfast sandwich. Hallelujah. Continue reading