[Energy Drink Review] Xyience Xenergy: Lemon Blast

Here’s a portion of a review on Caffeine Critic:

I’m sure that a lot of you who don’t know me assume that I’m an exceptionally fat, lazy sonofabitch that sits on his ass all day and does very little with the chemical energy I put into my body, instead letting it sit and be absorbed into my growing collection of pounds and thigh dimples. If you ask anyone who’s met me, they’ll tell you that, for the most part, you are right.

But that’s not true. I put my energy drinks towards great use to accomplish many amazing feats. No, not contracting diabetes. Jerks. I like to ride my bike a lot. I enjoy adventuring outdoors. I go to the gym every once and a while for strength training. But more important than any of those, I’m currently playing through Metroid Prime: Trilogy. The whole thing. All three games. From start to finish. I need the energy more than any physically active person out there.

So I figured since Xenergy is the official energy drink of the UFC, it would probably be up to the task of helping me collect all twelve artifacts in the first Metroid Prime.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Energy Drink Review] AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink

Here’s a portion of a review for AriZona Green Tea Energy Drink:

After popping the tab and leaning in for a whiff, I was taken completely aback by the disgusting aroma I had discovered. Tuna!? It smelled like fucking tuna! I don’t think I’ve ever ran into an aroma less appealing than this; the disgusting fishy smell of a nearly dead prostitute’s swollen, disease-ridden mound pulsing out a creamy puss-like substance from her bloodied and thoroughly gnarled snatch. I can almost imagine the greasy, wiry hairs now. Ugh. This smells awful. I even poured it out into a cup, thinking that maybe there was just some canned fish juice that had spilled out onto it. Nope, it smells like tuna. Absolutely disgusting.

Be sure to read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com

[Energy Drink Review] Java Monster Lo-Ball

A portion of a Caffeine Critic review.

Drinking Lo-Ball was a bit of a roller coaster experience. I went into it expecting very little, my expecations were risen by the delicious aroma and then beaten down by the gross taste. In the end I just sort of quit caring, as I’m sure you can tell by the brevity of this review. The bottom line is this: Lo-Ball is a below average energy coffee, but if you’re a calorie counting maniac who needs energy coffee, this might be your only choice.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

[Energy Drink Review] Vital Energy (Tangerine)

One of the biggest problems with energy drinks is the fact that they dehydrate your body. Why do energy drink cause dehydration? Because caffeine is a minor diuretic, and tells your brain to move liquid from your kidneys to your urine stream, which also explains why you always have to pee so bad after downing a can of your favorite energy drink. Most people who use these drinks want energy for sporadic activities such as biking, jogging, and sports. Combine the systematic removal of liquid from your body through urine with sweating from strenuous activities, and it is easy to see why you become dehydrated from energy drinks.

Some drinks like Brawndo and a few others cancel this effect by adding electrolytes to help your body replenish what it loses, but the help isn’t as effective as what you’re going to find in Vital Energy. The front of the bottle says it all, it is composed primarily of water to keep you hydrated, caffeine for the burst of energy, and B vitamins, for similar reasons to caffeine.

But as an energy water, is it really effective enough to give that kick that energy addicts such as myself crave?

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Caramel Kick Energy Coffee Review on Caffeine Critic!

I recently reviewed Adina: Vanilla Nut Case, an entirely organic coffee energy drink that proved to be a pleasant departure from the life of chemicals and artificial flavors I have chosen to lead. In fact, while Vanilla Nut Case only managed a score of 7.43/10 (Good), it still influenced me to try another product from Adina. So I ran out and hunted down today’s drink, a can of Adina: Caramel Kick.

Though I can confirm right away I am going to have the same gripes about the lack of value, which is what drug Vanilla Nut Case’s score down, I am hoping that I find the same quality of aroma and ingredients, maybe even a better flavor with Caramel Kick.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

Mild Cocaine Review on Caffeine Critic

I have stated before that the original, uncut Cocaine Energy Drink easily ranks as my second favorite energy drink of all time, ranking just below Monster, for several reasons. Not only does it provide a substantial kick that few drinks can rival, but it also has one of the most unique and memorable flavors I’ve ever experienced from any energy drink.

Cocaine Mild is essentially the exact same thing as the original Hot & Spicy flavor, sans the hot and spicy attributes that give your throat that trademark burning sensation. While that unexpected amount of heat is a turn off to some, I find it one of my favorite things about the drink. Without that comforting warmth tearing away at the tissue of my throat, does Mild Cocaine still impress me as much as its parent drink?

Read the full review at CaffeineCritic.com

[Energy Drink Review] Vuka: Workout (Berry Lemonade)

Workout is the last flavor of the Vuka family of functional energy drinks. All of the other flavors — Awaken, Think and Renew — have been granted scores of 8.0, 8.1, and 9.0, respectively, here on Everyview. Workout was the one I wanted to hold off on until I got a gym membership so that I could effectively test it out.

Well, I got that membership and I finally put Vuka’s Workout formula to the test. I walked in to my gym, Nintendo themed messenger bag thrown over my shoulder, a pair of Reebok Reezigs on my feet, a can of Vuka: Workout in my hands, and a burning desire to get swole (whatever the hell that means). Continue reading

[Energy Drink Review] Rockstar Energy Cola

So, on a pit stop to my local gas station I got the bright idea to splurge on some energy drinks. I looked at the cold case of Monster, Red Bull, NOS — all the usuals. But I was struck by two new cans in the mix. The folks at Rockstar Energy have launched two new energy drinks in Cola and Lemonade form. Having never had Red Bull’s soda, I thought to give this and its yellow friend a try (plus they had a coupon for fifty cents off so what the hey!). I grabbed my new drinks and drove home to eat, drink, and play Bad Company 2. Continue reading

[Energy Drink Review] Vuka: Renew (Mango Peach)

I hate my job. I work as a bagger/cashier at my local Kroger grocery store. I’ve been there for three long years. I make $7.55/hr. Some of my responsibilities include bagging groceries, scanning groceries, mopping floors, sweeping the sidewalk, emptying ash trays, and cleaning human fecal matter out of a sink. I shit you not (get it?), that has happened to me before.

Needless to say, when I get home from work I am tired. Wiped out. Completely drained. I am 20-years-old and I often take naps in the middle of the day or early in the evening for God’s sake. This shouldn’t be happening! Luckily for me, the folks at Vuka have a drink just for people in my situation. Vuka Renew claims to be able to restore focus and vitality after you’ve seemingly run out of gas.

Here goes nothing, I sure hope it works. Continue reading

[Energy Review] Neuro Fuel (Sugar Free)

Energy drink companies are all about formulating sugar free versions of their drinks that taste exactly like the regular ones. This is definitely a good thing, as there are people out there with diseases such as diabetes who can’t afford to intake any more sugar than is absolutely necessary, and an energy drink isn’t necessarily worth dying over.

A couple of weeks ago I posted a re-review for a drink called Neuro Fuel. This week I’m back with a review for that drink’s sugar free counterpart. Let’s see how the Sugar Free formula stacks up against the original. Continue reading