How long has Burger King had breakfast?
As long as I can consciously remember. I’m sure if I dug deep enough into my suppressed memory I would be able to find a time that the King didn’t offer as much saturated fat as Roseanne Barr’s left thigh in the morning hours, but doing so is dangerous. Who knows what else I might find while digging through the purposefully forgotten banks of my memories? Forgotten stories of Uncle Chuck’s “games”? Concealed memories of my infant brother Todd, whom in a fit of jealous range I suffocated and ate, only to have my parents convince me it was just a dream so I could grow up and continue to function?
Nah, none of that stuff ever happened to me. But I feel bad for the sorry sonofabitch who just remembered losing his virginity to the football team when he was only seven years old.
Wait what was my point? Oh yeah! Have you seen those awful new commercials of BK promoting their “New” breakfast menu? If not, good for you. I don’t understand it. BK has had breakfast for a really long time, why are they promoting it like it’s something wholly new just because they added like five new items and switched their coffee brand?
When I entered a local Burger King recently and discovered an ad for their Fire Grilled Ribs, it struck me as an idea so awful there was simply no way I could leave without ordering them. The thought of ribs being served at Burger King sounded like the fast food equivalent of an Ed Wood movie.
So, after letting two groups of people go ahead of me in line (I am just self-conscious enough to be embarrassed at the idea of having people overhear me ordering this) I was ready to write a scathing review of this somewhat (to me at least) comical product.
So it seems The King has joined forces with Iron Man to create a super duper promotional burger to push the Man of Metal’s highly anticipated new film, “Iron Man 2,” which I am effing sick of hearing about. Am I excited for the movie? Yes. How could I not be? Just looking at the cast roster for the film, which is loaded with at least one of every type of Hollywood badass out there, gets me pumped.
Do I want to see advertisements for this film every time I opening my eyes? Absolutely not. I already know it exists, and I already plan on seeing it whenever it is convenient for me to do so. Leave me alone, Iron Man 2, I’m tired of you hogging my magazines, movie previews, commercials and now my fast food menus. What’s next? Promotional free Iron Man 2 tattoos at select parlors?
Come to think of it, that would be sweet. Continue reading
What is the Angry Whopper? Well, run down to Burger King, order a single whopper, sleep with it’s mom and spit on it’s shoes, and BAM! You’ve got yourself one Angry Whopper. Or, you could order a pre-aggitated Whopper while your at BK and save yourself some time.
The Angry Whopper is a spicier version of the popular Whopper hamburger which many people tend to prefer over the Big Mac or Quarter Pounder, as is one of BK’s major selling points. It has a bunch of new ingredients thrown on top to give it a spicy kick. Possibly inspired by the Volcano Taco, the Angry Whopper is made to satisfy the taste-buds of those who love a spiced up meal.
Do you like eating Burger King’s flame broiled burgers even when you’re not hungry? Do you wish you could just get a little itty bitty couple of burgers for a couple of bucks so you don’t have to waste any munch or cash? Then you’ll absolutely love BK’s new Burger Shots. They’re exactly what I described above. Tiny little BK flame broiled burgers you can take on the go or eat as just a small snack whenever you want. But are they good? Read on hungry reader, read on.