[Quick Review] North American River Otters

North American River OtterOtters are the single greatest creatures which God’s hands had ever placed upon this earth.  Not only do they remind me of Gollum from Lord of the Rings, they have these things called “group rubbings” where they all get together and rub against one another.  It’s a giant, fuzzy hullabaloo of squeaky goodness that makes you want to jump in and kiss an otter on the mouth.

Final Words

They’re such capable creatures that they put the “can” in Lontra canadensis.

Pros 

  • They are masters of both land and water.
  • They eat crayfish so I don’t have to.
  • They can be trained by humans to catch and retrieve fish.

Cons

  • Sadly, they are part of the weasel family and must overcome all of the bad connotations associated.
  • The ability of flight eludes them, thus preventing these otherwise flawless creatures from soaring through the skies and wrapping their adorable paws around a perfect score. Which they would probably use as a tool to open shells.

Score:  9.5/10

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[Food Review] Smart Ones Mini Cheeseburgers

Here’s a portion of Casual Clay’s review from our sister site Does it Hit the Spot:

I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, a low fat cheeseburger you cook in the microwave? Even though I will no doubt break both my legs on the never ending puddle of saliva which will flow from my mouth at the mere thought of these, I will crawl on my belly through any terrain long before I even contemplate the idea of seeking medical attention!”

And I must admit this uber-sarcastic school of thought had me cursing myself the second I stepped out of the grocery store with a box of these in hand. But while I was initially excited about writing another one of my angry, cynical rants about bad food, to my surprise, this new entry from Smart Ones really isn’t deserving of my scorn.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Movie Review] My Week With Marilyn (2011)

My Week with Marilyn is a 2011 film based on the true story that transpired in the summer of 1956 on the set of The Prince and the Showgirl, a film that brought together two titans of show business—the highly acclaimed thespian Sir Laurence Olivier and Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe—with fresh Oxford graduate Colin Clark playing the bridge that connected the two famed actors both on and off the set.

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[Energy Review] Revive Energy Mints

Here’s a portion of a review on Caffeine Critic:

Revive mints look standard enough. About the size of a dime and the color of a Mucinex Tablet. The mint has a very smooth texture, based off appearance, and it has an appetizingly fresh, minty aroma. Everything seems to point to what is sure to be a very enjoyable experience.

However, a lot of that changes when you actually put the mint in your mouth. With a good mint, you can leave it in your mouth for a while, simply sucking on it and keeping your breath kissably fresh, though I do admit that it takes a lot more than a mint for me to be able to kiss a girl. Usually a brick to the back of their skull. I digress… Revive mints immediately begin to lose their super smooth texture as soon as they hit your saliva, slowly turning into a crumbly mess. It becomes gritty and texturally gross, and is a lot like sucking on sand.

Read the full review on CaffeineCritic.com!

 

[Food Review] Wheat Thins Stix: Honey Wheat

Here’s a portion of David Roshinski’s review of the Honey Wheat flavor of Wheat Thins Stix on Does it Hit the Spot?:

A marketing agency working with the Nabisco Wheat Thins brand contacted me through email about taste testing their new product Wheat Thin Stix. The new product boasts a new shape of packing for easy sharing and a new shape compared to the usual flat squares.

That package looks different! What is up with that?

Looking at the new packaging there are three triangles in the front and back that push out the sides making quick snacking a little easier. The sides of the boxes have a division in the middle which could make an octagon out of the box, but all fail to properly push out at the same time. The additional bends in the box also make it a little more vulnerable to crushing on the go. Do I like the new shape? Yes. Do I think it’s perfect? No.

Read the full review on DIHTS.com!

[Flash Game Review] Last Robot 2

Last Robot 2 is a typical distance flash game.  Try to get your robot up to a big pizza in the sky by bouncing off of platforms.  There are different abilities to help you reach your goal.  There is a parachute to help you get from platform to platform, and you can buy the ability to fly.  It’s the same as most distance games: get as far as you can while collecting “coins,” fail to reach your goal, buy upgrades, and try again.

The graphics are weak, but that’s not what these games are about.  There are 8 upgrade categories in which to sink coins, and three levels that compose each upgrade: maneuverability, jump height, and armor are just a few.  There are even a few achievements to top everything off.

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[Absurdly Delayed Editorial Rebuttal] Away We Go (2009)

All the way back on Oct. 7, 2009, Everyview contributor Andrew Majors penned a positive review for the independent dramady film Away We Go, giving it a 7.75/10.

At the time, I hadn’t seen the film, so naturally I had no problem allowing him to express his mostly positive opinion. Tragically, I did eventually have the misfortune of watching this movie, which I found to be an appalling piece of arrogant dreck that Mr. Majors rated 7.75 points too high.

And while I would never force one of our contributors to alter his opinion to match mine, I couldn’t in good conscious give off the impression that his views formed an overall consensus at the Everyview HQ (which isn’t so much an office as it is a house/daycare center in a sketchy part of Terre Haute, IN). Because of that, and the sad fact that I literally don’t have anything current to write about, here is my ridiculously out-of-date recount of one of the most torturous film-viewing experiences I will ever encounter.

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[Game Review] Resident Evil: Revelations (Nintendo 3DS)

System: Nintendo 3DS (Exclusive)
Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Genre: Horror/Adventure

Let me preface this by saying that I love Resident Evil. I have Resident Evil tattoos, have read three different Resident Evil books (and reviewed each one), and have tracked down and played every game the series has released on a dedicated console here in America. Hell, I even forgave Capcom for the direction they decided to head with Resident Evil 5, provided it never happens again. The only thing I haven’t done is watched any of the films besides the shitty first one.

Revelations has been on my radar for a very long time and, after much anticipation, it’s finally here. After all the hype that’s surrounded it, is it enough to quench 3DS owners’ thirsts? Yeah. It totally is.

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[Movie Review] The Descendants (2011)

George Clooney is the safest bet in Hollywood these days. If you take a drive to the movie theater, or adjust your Netflix queue or visit a Redbox unit, odds are that if you take a chance on a Clooney flick you won’t be disappointed. He has become a home run hitter not only as an actor, but as a director and producer as well, and he has shown a keen eye for choosing scripts that provide him with the opportunity to make meaningful movies that hold some type of social significance, and The Descendants is no different.

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[Food Review] 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars

Here’s a portion of a review from Does it Hit the Spot?:

I’m way too fat for the bike that I currently ride. It’s an early 1990s Schwinn Le Tour that my step dad once used for racing in triathlons. Yeah, triathlons. As in three athlons. Under any normal circumstances, I would have never even thought of riding a bike like that. In fact, the only reason I have it now is because I found it in my shed, where it has been sitting for the past 15 years. When we found it, mice had completely devoured the padding on the seat, the tires were flat and the rims were a bit bent from sitting in a single spot for so long.

Since finding it, I’ve had it serviced, replaced the seat, trued the rims and put a decent amount of mileage on it. I love it. It’s super light and goes really fast, though I could complain about the lack of comfort one experiences while riding it. If I cared that much, though, I would just ride my 2010 Schwinn City Series, which is probably the most comfortable cruising bike ever made. I do ride it from time to time, but I’ve become accustomed to the insane amounts of speed made possible by this road bike.

What does this have to do with the new 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars? Absolutely nothing.

Be sure to read the full review on DIHTS.com!