1. Eat an oven roasted baby corpse
2. Share the corpse with my dog
3. Kill my dog
4. Eat my dead dog
5. Get raped
6. Get raped by Dr. Phil
7. Get raped by my own mother
8. Cook my penis and feed it to Dr. Phil
9. Use Ben Gay as lube for masturbation
10. Stuff a lizard inside my pee hole
11. Drink bleach
12. Drink my own semen
13. Watch The Happening
14. Pierce my own testicle
15. Pierce my ear using nothing but my own testicle
16. Eat my own testicle
17. Make love to Regis Philbin
18. Watch Regis Philbin make love to my mom
19. Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole
20. Let my paralyzed uncle stick a DVD into my butthole without lube
21. Touch fire
22. Eat fire
23. Touch fire with my penis and then eat it
24. Eat spaghetti out of Roseanne Barr’s asshole
25. Let a nun brush my teeth with hot sauce
26. Brush a nun’s teeth with anything
27. Bite a nun’s clitoris off
28. Kidnap people from my family reunion and use them as sex slaves
29. Get AIDS
30. Get HIV
31. Get genital warts
32. Give crabs to my dead aunt
33. Fart on a chocolate cake
34. Eat chocolate cake after farting on it
35. Eat meatloaf
36. Fart on meatloaf
37. Eat meatloaf after farting on it
38. Listen to Fall Out Boy on purpose
39. Hammer my pecker to an empty aluminum can with a rusty nail
40. Push my thumbs through my own eyeballs
41. Miss the zombie apocalypse for gay sex with a Chinese dwarf
42. Lose my banjo
43. Shave my pubic hair with a pencil
44. Play through the Goosebumps game that’s on the Wii
45. Watch newer episodes of Goosebumps
46. Get a tattoo of a goose pecking at Bill Clinton on my face
47. Eat cereal out of a baby’s soft spot
48. Eat my great grandma’s wig
49. Get a sex change and have intercourse with a dead hobo
50. Listen to Sarah Palin give a speech

There you have it, fifty things I would rather do than ever drink Black Jack: Calypso Green Tea ever again.

Score: 0/10

I work at a grocery store as a bagger. Do you know what that means? It means I belong to the chain of stores I work for. I’m their slave. At times, I am their sex slave. I do what they say, when they say it. I have no input in anything that occurs in my company, nor will my opinions ever be valued by the higher ups. I push carts in 90 degree weather wearing black pants. I sweep floors, I mop spills, I clean human feces out of sinks in the bathroom, and I bag groceries with a smile on my face. I hate it.

Regardless, it’s a great place to work come lunch time. Anything I might be feeling that day is usually just a few aisles down. Of course, I also have a very tight budget. So when I’m not snacking on raman, Banquet meals, and dog food, oftentimes I’ll spend about $10 – $15 at once on food and feed off of it throughout the week. When I do this I like to get the basics: whole wheat bread, muenster, swiss, or pepper jack cheese, a 1 lb. package of lunch meat, Claussen pickles, and a bag of chips. Most recently I bought this Lay’s brand kettle cooked variety, the flavor sounding delicious and the “All Natural” label was enticing. They were a bit out of my regular budget, but I decided they would be a worthy trade over the usual bag of Funions.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

Over the winter time my pops and I went to Sam’s Club to stock up on freezer foods for whole sale prices. We try to keep a variety of grub in the icebox and try to keep an open selection so that nothing ever gets old. We stumbled upon these Philly Steak and Cheese sandwiches in the freezer foods section, specifically called “Raybern’s New York Deli Style Philly CheeseSteak.” Later into the night after coming home and hunger struck me, I decided to heat up one of these bad boys to see what they were like.

What’s really neat is that they’re wrapped up in paper, just like if you were buying it from a street vendor somewhere. You don’t have to unwrap it or anything, you just throw it in the microwave, heat it up for anywhere from 60 seconds to 75 seconds (depending on the wattage of your microwave) and you have a perfect-looking sandwich, melted cheese with the warm sliced steak, and the warm bread. When you bite into it, you have the authentic Philly Cheese Steak taste, and the nice thing about it is, you can make them whenever you want — because they’re in your freezer.

Read Trey Bolinger’s full review on Does It Hit The Spot!

PowerBar is well known across the fitness world for their energizing snackfoods, and they seem to be held in pretty high regards and trusted by most of the active community. Ask anyone who’s into cycling, long-distance running, hiking, or weight lifting what a good brand is for an energy bar and chances are they’ll refer you straight to PowerBar.

Energy Gel Blasts are a new product from PowerBar, and are much different from their standard grain-filled candies. These things are more akin to fruit gushers than a candy bar, and seem to be perfect for quick energy when you don’t have time to stop and eat. Just pop one or two in your mouth, chew and swallow. That easy. But how well do they really work?

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

When asked what their favorite part of the Oreo is, 99.95% of the Earth’s population will say the cream, while the other .05% are nay-saying bastards who claim they prefer the chocolate just for the sake of being unbearable douchebags who naysay for no better reason than making everyone listen to how “opinionated” they are.

Knowing this, it seems puzzling to me that the people at Oreo would set out to appease these idiots, as the brownie is much too chocolaty for its own good. There are small sections of cream spread throughout the surface, but it’s hardly noticeable. In fact, if for some bizarre reason I had decided to eat blindfolded, I am relatively certain I wouldn’t have been able to detect any cream at all.

Read the full review on Does It Hit The Spot!

By Americans, for Americans!

I’ve reviewed budget drinks before, and rarely are any of them any good. I entirely expected to use the Army recruiting ad to enlist myself, go overseas, and pray that someone would drop a bomb on me, shattering my body into a million pieces so I wouldn’t have to remember how awful this stuff was. Somehow though, Ol’ Glory managed to surprise me with what is actually a pretty good energy drink. Partner that with its excellent value and this is a product I can wholeheartedly recommend. Just poor it out of that ridiculously blatant can if you plan on walking around a neighborhood with a large Mexican or Asian population. They’ll just assume you’re a racist bigot.

Read the full review on Caffeine Critic!

If you were to guess what type of eatery Kringle’s was, chances are you’d assume they offered some type of seasonal meal options like honey ham, yams, green beans, fruit cake, and maybe even some type of pie. I mean, what else would you expect from a restaurant with such a vibrant Christmas theme?

Once you’re inside the illusion of a jolly winter holiday theme is pumped to the max, with seasonal decorations and paintings all over the place. There is even a giant tyrannical statue of Santa Claus himself, watching out over the dining room making sure all of the kids on his turf are behaving themselves, menacingly silent but always ready to pounce on his first unsuspecting victim.

Read the full review on DoesItHitTheSpot.com!

Now, let me introduce you to Does It Hit The Spot, the newest member of the Everyview Network. DoesItHitTheSpot.com (or DIHTS.com) is dedicated to all things food. Restaurants, snacks, recipes, meals and more will all have a review home at DIHTS, where we do our best to answer the question, Does It Hit The Spot?

Of course just like with Caffeine Critic, we will post blurbs and links from DIHTS right here on Everyview to ensure all of our readers stay connected to our growing family of sites.

It’s an energy drink that makes your mouth cold. Go read the full review on Caffeine Critic.

Upon walking into the diner-style building, we were struck with a vintage atmosphere. Posters and pictures of Shirley Temple and Elvis Presley, among other old time celebrities and culture icons, were plastered along the walls, antique car memorabilia was all over the place, and plenty of bubbly teenage waitresses were on hand. The red color scheme and old time rock and roll completed the illusion, bringing everything together into a charming little package.

Read the full review at Does It Hit The Spot!